Friday, 8 October 2010
Monday, 4 October 2010
Motive, Objective, Movement
The process of changing your life is dependent on 3 main steps. These steps are the same whatever the changes you intend to make, and they are the same for everyone. It makes no difference if the change is to include an exercise routine, to lose weight, to give up smoking or to change your job.
So I have come up with an easy way to remember this
“When you want to make a change you should always consult your MOM”
What does this mean?
There are 3 steps that everybody must take in order to make a lasting change in their life and this is what they are
Step 1 – you have to have a Motive
Step 2 – you have to have an Objective
Step 3 – you have to have Movement
Now we know what steps you have to take to make a lasting change let us take a look at what each one is and how to do it
Step 1 - Motive
Before any change can take place you have to create the Motive. This is the reason why things have to be changed. If you don’t have a motive then any changes will turn out to be simply - dreams. You will probably say stuff like
I really should pack up smoking OR
I really should lose some weight OR
I really should look for another job OR
I really should change my life.
All those should statements mean that the change you are talking about is very unlikely to happen. It is simply a “should” and shoulds are by their very definition tentative things. Here I am going to make a major assumption - anyone who is reading this blog or listening to the broadcast knows that tentative things are just as likely to be ignored and therefore remain undone.
The only way to make these shoulds become cast iron motives is to make them so important that they are going to become painful if they are not done.
How many times have you stopped doing something because you have hurt yourself – let us return for a moment to the days of our childhood –
As children we all like to take risks be a bit adventurous, push the boundaries, it is part of the growing up process. And we will continue to push it even if our parents warn us to “stop doing that because you will get hurt if you carry on” or as my mum often used to say “there’ll be some rain after all this wind”
Eventually something drastic happens, and, depending on the thing we are doing, we could cut ourselves, take a tumble and so on. The ultimate result being that we hurt ourselves –
Now we make a decision - do we do it again or do we learn from it.
In other words the painful result of our action created the change within us.
Now let’s come to the present – suppose we want to lose weight. All too often we make the noises about losing weight but do we actually do it?
I’ll bet more than 75% of you said “no” to that question
BUT if you were to take a long hard look in the mirror, or to read the statistics about obesity and take note of you BMI and realize that you are morbidly obese, or discover that the dress you bought a week ago no longer fits you. Then any of these can provide the pain that gives you the Motive to move forward with the weight loss.
The next step to look at is
Step 2 - Objective
So now in whatever way we have identified the Motive, our reason that we are going to take the steps necessary to achieve the desired outcome – be it giving up smoking, losing weight, changing job etc.
We need to set ourselves the Objective – this is another name for the goal.
In order to make the goal a solid object - to do this we need to identify exactly what it is we are working towards –
It is not good enough to set the objective as being “I want to lose some weight” or “I want to give up smoking”. These statements are far too wishy – washy, we need to firm them up with something way more specific
For example
“In 6 months time I want to have lost (you must be realistic here) 10lbs excess weight and to feel fitter because of it”
You will note my comment about being realistic!
It is no use saying that you want to lose 42lbs in 3 months if you know that you your lifestyle will not enable you to lose the necessary 3.5lbs per week.
It is far better to set an achievable target and then be able to move forwards to the next target than to set an unrealistic target and fall by the wayside because you cannot keep up.
If it is your motive or intention to give up smoking (now I know that there are people who become sufficiently motivated to give up immediately) by reducing from 20 cigarettes a day to 15 cigarettes a day to 10 cigarettes then 5 and then zero then that far better than saying “that’s it I have stopped smoking” only to restart an hour later.
The objective is the long term plan this is what I want to achieve – You can write this down in huge great letters and pin it up all over your house in order to re-enforce your objectives.
BUT
It is really not sufficient to have Motive and Objective to be really really certain that you are going to make the changes you require you must have the Movement
Step 3 – Movement
Movement is the result of taking action
You can plan your objective with absolute military precision but unless you do what is necessary to make it happen, then sorry, but it is doomed to fail.
So how do you equate movement to the chosen project – does it mean starting a new exercise regime, does it mean taking up a hobby to occupy yourself or something else?
Often it can be a simple step that begins to create the momentum required to carry you and your plan forward
For example –
Maybe you choose to make a phone call that will put you in touch with someone who can assist you in a part of the plan but then having made that phone call you decide that because you have made one call, it wouldn’t do any harm to make a second and a third and so on.
Maybe you choose to read a chapter of a book that will give you some insight into things to do, and having read a chapter you go on to read another two
Either way you have begun the movement section and have taken steps towards your Objective.
By now it will have become apparent that taking action is crucial to achieving your objective and the bigger the action the more you will move ahead.
In other words to get the biggest benefit from your MOM
Know what you want
Know why you want it
Take huge action to get it
Conclusion
So in conclusion the only way things can ever change in any person’s life is by action being taken. Sometimes this action is the result of conscious decisions we make and other times the action is “forced upon us” by external forces, but the net result is that things WILL change.
If you want to make permanent positive changes in your life then
“You should always consult your MOM”
Until the next time we speak live a life of Passion and Power and remember
Don’t predict the future – CREATE IT!
DAve
So I have come up with an easy way to remember this
“When you want to make a change you should always consult your MOM”
What does this mean?
There are 3 steps that everybody must take in order to make a lasting change in their life and this is what they are
Step 1 – you have to have a Motive
Step 2 – you have to have an Objective
Step 3 – you have to have Movement
Now we know what steps you have to take to make a lasting change let us take a look at what each one is and how to do it
Step 1 - Motive
Before any change can take place you have to create the Motive. This is the reason why things have to be changed. If you don’t have a motive then any changes will turn out to be simply - dreams. You will probably say stuff like
I really should pack up smoking OR
I really should lose some weight OR
I really should look for another job OR
I really should change my life.
All those should statements mean that the change you are talking about is very unlikely to happen. It is simply a “should” and shoulds are by their very definition tentative things. Here I am going to make a major assumption - anyone who is reading this blog or listening to the broadcast knows that tentative things are just as likely to be ignored and therefore remain undone.
The only way to make these shoulds become cast iron motives is to make them so important that they are going to become painful if they are not done.
How many times have you stopped doing something because you have hurt yourself – let us return for a moment to the days of our childhood –
As children we all like to take risks be a bit adventurous, push the boundaries, it is part of the growing up process. And we will continue to push it even if our parents warn us to “stop doing that because you will get hurt if you carry on” or as my mum often used to say “there’ll be some rain after all this wind”
Eventually something drastic happens, and, depending on the thing we are doing, we could cut ourselves, take a tumble and so on. The ultimate result being that we hurt ourselves –
Now we make a decision - do we do it again or do we learn from it.
In other words the painful result of our action created the change within us.
Now let’s come to the present – suppose we want to lose weight. All too often we make the noises about losing weight but do we actually do it?
I’ll bet more than 75% of you said “no” to that question
BUT if you were to take a long hard look in the mirror, or to read the statistics about obesity and take note of you BMI and realize that you are morbidly obese, or discover that the dress you bought a week ago no longer fits you. Then any of these can provide the pain that gives you the Motive to move forward with the weight loss.
The next step to look at is
Step 2 - Objective
So now in whatever way we have identified the Motive, our reason that we are going to take the steps necessary to achieve the desired outcome – be it giving up smoking, losing weight, changing job etc.
We need to set ourselves the Objective – this is another name for the goal.
In order to make the goal a solid object - to do this we need to identify exactly what it is we are working towards –
It is not good enough to set the objective as being “I want to lose some weight” or “I want to give up smoking”. These statements are far too wishy – washy, we need to firm them up with something way more specific
For example
“In 6 months time I want to have lost (you must be realistic here) 10lbs excess weight and to feel fitter because of it”
You will note my comment about being realistic!
It is no use saying that you want to lose 42lbs in 3 months if you know that you your lifestyle will not enable you to lose the necessary 3.5lbs per week.
It is far better to set an achievable target and then be able to move forwards to the next target than to set an unrealistic target and fall by the wayside because you cannot keep up.
If it is your motive or intention to give up smoking (now I know that there are people who become sufficiently motivated to give up immediately) by reducing from 20 cigarettes a day to 15 cigarettes a day to 10 cigarettes then 5 and then zero then that far better than saying “that’s it I have stopped smoking” only to restart an hour later.
The objective is the long term plan this is what I want to achieve – You can write this down in huge great letters and pin it up all over your house in order to re-enforce your objectives.
BUT
It is really not sufficient to have Motive and Objective to be really really certain that you are going to make the changes you require you must have the Movement
Step 3 – Movement
Movement is the result of taking action
You can plan your objective with absolute military precision but unless you do what is necessary to make it happen, then sorry, but it is doomed to fail.
So how do you equate movement to the chosen project – does it mean starting a new exercise regime, does it mean taking up a hobby to occupy yourself or something else?
Often it can be a simple step that begins to create the momentum required to carry you and your plan forward
For example –
Maybe you choose to make a phone call that will put you in touch with someone who can assist you in a part of the plan but then having made that phone call you decide that because you have made one call, it wouldn’t do any harm to make a second and a third and so on.
Maybe you choose to read a chapter of a book that will give you some insight into things to do, and having read a chapter you go on to read another two
Either way you have begun the movement section and have taken steps towards your Objective.
By now it will have become apparent that taking action is crucial to achieving your objective and the bigger the action the more you will move ahead.
In other words to get the biggest benefit from your MOM
Know what you want
Know why you want it
Take huge action to get it
Conclusion
So in conclusion the only way things can ever change in any person’s life is by action being taken. Sometimes this action is the result of conscious decisions we make and other times the action is “forced upon us” by external forces, but the net result is that things WILL change.
If you want to make permanent positive changes in your life then
“You should always consult your MOM”
Until the next time we speak live a life of Passion and Power and remember
Don’t predict the future – CREATE IT!
DAve
Friday, 1 October 2010
Coaching Radio is born
Hi everyone
Firstly let me apologise to you for the lengthy delay in creating a new entry to my blog pages.
This is not without good reason - I have been creating the Coaching Radio brand and have now launched the first 2 broadcasts.
These broadcasts can be found at
www.coachingradio.podbean.com
At the time of writing there are two fairly short shows but as we develop I have a couple of serious interviews planned before the end of October.
You can also subscribe to these shows by clicking the "subscribe via iTunes" button on the page or by going direct to iTunes and searching for "coachingradio"
While you are at it don't forget the books I have written "It's My Life" and "It's My Life 2" both available on Lulu.com
So for now I will say have a great day, live a life of passion and power and remember
Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!
Firstly let me apologise to you for the lengthy delay in creating a new entry to my blog pages.
This is not without good reason - I have been creating the Coaching Radio brand and have now launched the first 2 broadcasts.
These broadcasts can be found at
www.coachingradio.podbean.com
At the time of writing there are two fairly short shows but as we develop I have a couple of serious interviews planned before the end of October.
You can also subscribe to these shows by clicking the "subscribe via iTunes" button on the page or by going direct to iTunes and searching for "coachingradio"
While you are at it don't forget the books I have written "It's My Life" and "It's My Life 2" both available on Lulu.com
So for now I will say have a great day, live a life of passion and power and remember
Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!
Friday, 20 August 2010
Making a Positive Impact
Hello to everyone who is reading this, maybe I know you, maybe I don't but one thing is for certain as far as I am concerned, and that is - at some point in our lives we will all need other people's help and assistance in one way or another.
The purpose of this piece is to show you, the reader, a few simple ways that you can use to have a positive impact on another person's life and the more we do this the better our own lives will become.
This is not a dictate or an instruction but simply a few ideas we can all follow, so off we go.......
The first may seem obvious but it is surprising how few of us actually do this,
Do things for other people that will make an impact on their lives, simply because you want to! - the last 4 words are the important point “Because you want to” it is no use doing it out of a sense of obligation or duty, because that will only make the action counter-productive.
Next – seek to develop friendships with new people, they may have something to share with you that can have a profound effect on you life or similarly you may have a major effect on their lives.
Remember, a small impact on someone's life can sometimes be more effective than a large one. You don't have to give money but a gesture or a kindly word will often be significant and mean a lot to the recipient. Give willingly and freely, expecting nothing in return and you could well be surprised by what transpires.
Here are a few examples of small things that could make a big difference
1 – hold a door open for someone who has their hands full
2 – carry a shopping bag for someone who is struggling
3 – listen to someone when they want someone to talk to
4 – share your knowledge
5 – share your time
6 – be pleasant to someone you do not know
7 – offer kind words to a work colleague or a family member
8 – commit to help someone every day
Another beneficial thing you can do that will go a long way to making an impact on someone's life is to cultivate a positive mind set – this is not “Positive Thinking” like the man who looks at his weed ridden garden and says “there's no weeds, there's no weeds” expecting the weeds to miraculously disappear – and become positive in your approach to people, that you are going to make a difference in their lives. That despite the ups and downs that we all go through, life is good and fun if we choose to make it so.
Pay attention to new people you may meet along your life journey because they may be there to help or teach you as you travel along the road we call life. Do not be quick to judge but take time to form your decisions and make the right ones.
Be consistent and committed to making a difference, be prepared to give something that will help someone you know or do not know and enjoy the process.
By putting these few ideas into practice you and I can begin to create the “ripple effect” and as a result of this change the world as we know it, going some way to making it a better place for all who live here, and what is exciting about this is we will probably never know how many people our small acts of kindness will effect and isn't that just great?
So until the next time I post an entry on here live your life with Love and Passion
and remember
Don't Predict the Future – CREATE IT!
DAve
The purpose of this piece is to show you, the reader, a few simple ways that you can use to have a positive impact on another person's life and the more we do this the better our own lives will become.
This is not a dictate or an instruction but simply a few ideas we can all follow, so off we go.......
The first may seem obvious but it is surprising how few of us actually do this,
Do things for other people that will make an impact on their lives, simply because you want to! - the last 4 words are the important point “Because you want to” it is no use doing it out of a sense of obligation or duty, because that will only make the action counter-productive.
Next – seek to develop friendships with new people, they may have something to share with you that can have a profound effect on you life or similarly you may have a major effect on their lives.
Remember, a small impact on someone's life can sometimes be more effective than a large one. You don't have to give money but a gesture or a kindly word will often be significant and mean a lot to the recipient. Give willingly and freely, expecting nothing in return and you could well be surprised by what transpires.
Here are a few examples of small things that could make a big difference
1 – hold a door open for someone who has their hands full
2 – carry a shopping bag for someone who is struggling
3 – listen to someone when they want someone to talk to
4 – share your knowledge
5 – share your time
6 – be pleasant to someone you do not know
7 – offer kind words to a work colleague or a family member
8 – commit to help someone every day
Another beneficial thing you can do that will go a long way to making an impact on someone's life is to cultivate a positive mind set – this is not “Positive Thinking” like the man who looks at his weed ridden garden and says “there's no weeds, there's no weeds” expecting the weeds to miraculously disappear – and become positive in your approach to people, that you are going to make a difference in their lives. That despite the ups and downs that we all go through, life is good and fun if we choose to make it so.
Pay attention to new people you may meet along your life journey because they may be there to help or teach you as you travel along the road we call life. Do not be quick to judge but take time to form your decisions and make the right ones.
Be consistent and committed to making a difference, be prepared to give something that will help someone you know or do not know and enjoy the process.
By putting these few ideas into practice you and I can begin to create the “ripple effect” and as a result of this change the world as we know it, going some way to making it a better place for all who live here, and what is exciting about this is we will probably never know how many people our small acts of kindness will effect and isn't that just great?
So until the next time I post an entry on here live your life with Love and Passion
and remember
Don't Predict the Future – CREATE IT!
DAve
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Shyness Awareness
Recently I have been asked by a few people to compile some of my thoughts concerning the subject of Shyness. Never one to recoil from a challenge I put my research head on and began to pore over many people's work that focussed on this topic. Below is the result of my labour.
Shyness, as defined by Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, has three components:
Excessive Self-Consciousness – you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation – you tend to see yourself negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation – you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people.
Having taken that as a “given” then my thoughts turned to providing some twenty pointers and tips that will help shyness sufferers move towards overcoming this perceived problem, but firstly let me explain why I say it is a perceived problem. The answer to that is quite simple, there is no such thing as a shy gene! The state of shyness is created by a weak self image, a pre-occupation with oneself and labelling.
Nobody is born shy, therefore it must follow that shyness is, like a vast majority of other “ailments or phobia”, learned behaviour. The direct result of recognising this fact is the conclusion that if shyness is learned, then it can, by its very definition be unlearned.
The 20 pointers
1 learn to understand your shyness, what is it that triggers it and when it does kick in what are you concerned with
2 change from being self conscious into a state of self awareness. The world is not concentrating on you and what you are doing. Become aware of what you are thinking and what you are feeling at the time.
3 identify your strengths and learn to use them to your advantage. Find something you are good at and concentrate on that. This will enable you to boost your self esteem,and help you to build your self confidence
4 learn to like yourself – you are the key to moving forward and before you can make progress it is vital that you put aside all your preconceptions about your being and because you are the only you there is, embrace that you, so that when someone asks you if you like or love yourself you can immediately answer, without hesitation, why of course I do, why wouldn't I?
5 Understand that it is ok to be different – wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same, thought the same thoughts, went to the same places, drove the same cars and so on. Remember that you are a unique individual, that there is only one of you and rejoice in that knowledge.
6 Focus on other people, take an interest in what they have to say, ask questions and wait for the answer.
7 Learn to breathe and maintain a focus on your breathing whenever you feel pressurised and /or nervous. Take deep breaths and inhale and exhale slowly.
8 It is also useful to move about or take exercise when you begin to become anxious. It helps you remove yourself from the situation and allows you to refocus your mind.
9 Visualise yourself as a confident person – when you place yourself in that state notice how you feel, what do you see, how do you stand, how do you place your hands and feet.
10 Use the power of affirmations – create a short affirmation to help you return to the mindset of being capable, confident and at ease with your wonderful self.
11 Sometimes it is good and worthwhile to “face your fear” - when a situation develops that causes your shyness to surface instead of running for the door, stand your ground and face it head on. The more often you do this, the stronger you will become.
12 I use this next tool often – Accept that not everyone will love you. To paraphrase Dr Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones book, During the US Presidential Elections when George Bush and George McGovern went head to head it was recorded that the victor received 53% of the vote and yet that was declared a landslide victory. So is you manage to get half of the people plus 3% to love you then you have got yourself a landslide!!!! In my own life, I want approval, I like approval, I seek approval but I don't need approval and the same can be said of you if you accept this part of my list.
13 Get rid of the notion that you need to be perfect because in the words of Winston Churchill “perfection is spelt paralysis”. It is far better to natural and make mistakes than to chase the ideal of perfection and be unhappy.
14 Another huge point that has a drastic effect on your approach is carrying around a label – you tell yourself and others “I'm Shy” and guess what? You are shy!!! Get rid of the label and instead acknowledge that you used to be a person who behaved in a shy manner but from now onwards that person has gone and you now welcome the opportunity to be more outgoing and friendly.
15 Practice thinking ahead, know what you are going to say during a conversation or during a talk that you are giving can give a great boost to overcoming your shyness thinking
16 Put yourself on the limit in order to desensitise your fear
17 Relax, breathe and move with grace
18 Do what you feel comfortable doing – go to places where you feel at ease and begin to relax and enjoy the moment.
19 Which leads me to the next point – Focus on the moment! Give it your full attention and don't keep worrying about what will happen in the future. Now, this moment, is all that you have – treasure it and make it special.
20 The final point is to advise you to seek out your success and each time you have a success moment, jot it down, and at the end of each day review it, what did I do there, how did it feel. This will then become your Journal of Success and if you do this diligently it will help you recreate the same situations often, until they become second nature.
As a follow up to this research I have produced a handy business card sized “aide memoir” to sit inside your wallet or purse and it is called 10 steps to overcome shyness. This card is available by dropping me a quick email with your address and I will send one out to you.
So there we have it, my thoughts on Shyness Awareness. I hope that you find them interesting and useful.
Until we speak again
Live a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Shyness, as defined by Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, has three components:
Excessive Self-Consciousness – you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation – you tend to see yourself negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation – you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people.
Having taken that as a “given” then my thoughts turned to providing some twenty pointers and tips that will help shyness sufferers move towards overcoming this perceived problem, but firstly let me explain why I say it is a perceived problem. The answer to that is quite simple, there is no such thing as a shy gene! The state of shyness is created by a weak self image, a pre-occupation with oneself and labelling.
Nobody is born shy, therefore it must follow that shyness is, like a vast majority of other “ailments or phobia”, learned behaviour. The direct result of recognising this fact is the conclusion that if shyness is learned, then it can, by its very definition be unlearned.
The 20 pointers
1 learn to understand your shyness, what is it that triggers it and when it does kick in what are you concerned with
2 change from being self conscious into a state of self awareness. The world is not concentrating on you and what you are doing. Become aware of what you are thinking and what you are feeling at the time.
3 identify your strengths and learn to use them to your advantage. Find something you are good at and concentrate on that. This will enable you to boost your self esteem,and help you to build your self confidence
4 learn to like yourself – you are the key to moving forward and before you can make progress it is vital that you put aside all your preconceptions about your being and because you are the only you there is, embrace that you, so that when someone asks you if you like or love yourself you can immediately answer, without hesitation, why of course I do, why wouldn't I?
5 Understand that it is ok to be different – wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same, thought the same thoughts, went to the same places, drove the same cars and so on. Remember that you are a unique individual, that there is only one of you and rejoice in that knowledge.
6 Focus on other people, take an interest in what they have to say, ask questions and wait for the answer.
7 Learn to breathe and maintain a focus on your breathing whenever you feel pressurised and /or nervous. Take deep breaths and inhale and exhale slowly.
8 It is also useful to move about or take exercise when you begin to become anxious. It helps you remove yourself from the situation and allows you to refocus your mind.
9 Visualise yourself as a confident person – when you place yourself in that state notice how you feel, what do you see, how do you stand, how do you place your hands and feet.
10 Use the power of affirmations – create a short affirmation to help you return to the mindset of being capable, confident and at ease with your wonderful self.
11 Sometimes it is good and worthwhile to “face your fear” - when a situation develops that causes your shyness to surface instead of running for the door, stand your ground and face it head on. The more often you do this, the stronger you will become.
12 I use this next tool often – Accept that not everyone will love you. To paraphrase Dr Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones book, During the US Presidential Elections when George Bush and George McGovern went head to head it was recorded that the victor received 53% of the vote and yet that was declared a landslide victory. So is you manage to get half of the people plus 3% to love you then you have got yourself a landslide!!!! In my own life, I want approval, I like approval, I seek approval but I don't need approval and the same can be said of you if you accept this part of my list.
13 Get rid of the notion that you need to be perfect because in the words of Winston Churchill “perfection is spelt paralysis”. It is far better to natural and make mistakes than to chase the ideal of perfection and be unhappy.
14 Another huge point that has a drastic effect on your approach is carrying around a label – you tell yourself and others “I'm Shy” and guess what? You are shy!!! Get rid of the label and instead acknowledge that you used to be a person who behaved in a shy manner but from now onwards that person has gone and you now welcome the opportunity to be more outgoing and friendly.
15 Practice thinking ahead, know what you are going to say during a conversation or during a talk that you are giving can give a great boost to overcoming your shyness thinking
16 Put yourself on the limit in order to desensitise your fear
17 Relax, breathe and move with grace
18 Do what you feel comfortable doing – go to places where you feel at ease and begin to relax and enjoy the moment.
19 Which leads me to the next point – Focus on the moment! Give it your full attention and don't keep worrying about what will happen in the future. Now, this moment, is all that you have – treasure it and make it special.
20 The final point is to advise you to seek out your success and each time you have a success moment, jot it down, and at the end of each day review it, what did I do there, how did it feel. This will then become your Journal of Success and if you do this diligently it will help you recreate the same situations often, until they become second nature.
As a follow up to this research I have produced a handy business card sized “aide memoir” to sit inside your wallet or purse and it is called 10 steps to overcome shyness. This card is available by dropping me a quick email with your address and I will send one out to you.
So there we have it, my thoughts on Shyness Awareness. I hope that you find them interesting and useful.
Until we speak again
Live a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Friday, 2 July 2010
An amazing experience & breakthrough
Hi everyone
I just feel that I have to share this amazing thing with you all, however in the interest of client confidentiality and in adherance to my Coaching Code I will refrain from identifying the person(s) involved with this event.
Over the past 3 years I have been coaching a lady who came to me with very low self worth, a "poor me" complex and more recently confirmed as having BiPolar disorder. This coaching has proved a real test of my skills, there have been some mistakes, some harsh words and some laughs along the way, BUT more importantly a great deal of progress has been made.
Not the least of her perceived problems, but one that has been given a high level of importance by her is the situation concerning a child that died very early in life and his burial in an unmarked plot in the local cemetery approximately 14 years ago.
She has been carrying a huge pile of guilt around with her, often refusing to discuss the siuation and stating that she had no idea whereabouts in the cemetery the baby was buried.
On the rare occasions that she would talk about the child she often stated that she blamed herself for everything surrounding his death and burial and regularly reproached herself for not acknowledging him, which equated to feelings of bad motherhood.
Anyway, last night this client visited and we spent a large portion of her visit talking about this child and her wanting to "make her peace with him"...........
......eventually shortly after midnight she said that she knew where the plot was and that she wanted to go to visit him...........
amid much hesitation and self doubt she decided that the visit was going to go ahead, so we got into the car and made the short drive, through the pouring rain, to the cemetery.
The gate was open and, although she hesitated, we walked inside. She led the way to the "children's corner" and across the grass to where she stopped and said "this is it!" Even in the rain I could tell that she had tears streaming down her face and she soon ended up sobbing uncontrollably.
After about 20mins she calmed down and Alison and I withdrew a short distance and left her alone, admidst the short bouts of sobbing we could hear her talking and then she knealt on the ground and tidied some of the weeds around this tiny plot of land.
Again a few more minutes went by and then she stood and came over to us, we hugged and she said that she was ok, that her tears were now tears of joy, she had made her peace with her son.........
After we arrived back at the house, we raised a glass to toast her son, then hugged some more until I took her home.
I am so privileged to have been a witness to such a wonderful event in this woman's life.
I have shared this story with you because I know that you will probably be touched by this as I was.
You can heal old wounds, just as my client has done, even after many years of guilt and denial. Because she has gone through this process she will now move forward along a new pathway that, during those few moments in the rain, she created for herself.
Life a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
I just feel that I have to share this amazing thing with you all, however in the interest of client confidentiality and in adherance to my Coaching Code I will refrain from identifying the person(s) involved with this event.
Over the past 3 years I have been coaching a lady who came to me with very low self worth, a "poor me" complex and more recently confirmed as having BiPolar disorder. This coaching has proved a real test of my skills, there have been some mistakes, some harsh words and some laughs along the way, BUT more importantly a great deal of progress has been made.
Not the least of her perceived problems, but one that has been given a high level of importance by her is the situation concerning a child that died very early in life and his burial in an unmarked plot in the local cemetery approximately 14 years ago.
She has been carrying a huge pile of guilt around with her, often refusing to discuss the siuation and stating that she had no idea whereabouts in the cemetery the baby was buried.
On the rare occasions that she would talk about the child she often stated that she blamed herself for everything surrounding his death and burial and regularly reproached herself for not acknowledging him, which equated to feelings of bad motherhood.
Anyway, last night this client visited and we spent a large portion of her visit talking about this child and her wanting to "make her peace with him"...........
......eventually shortly after midnight she said that she knew where the plot was and that she wanted to go to visit him...........
amid much hesitation and self doubt she decided that the visit was going to go ahead, so we got into the car and made the short drive, through the pouring rain, to the cemetery.
The gate was open and, although she hesitated, we walked inside. She led the way to the "children's corner" and across the grass to where she stopped and said "this is it!" Even in the rain I could tell that she had tears streaming down her face and she soon ended up sobbing uncontrollably.
After about 20mins she calmed down and Alison and I withdrew a short distance and left her alone, admidst the short bouts of sobbing we could hear her talking and then she knealt on the ground and tidied some of the weeds around this tiny plot of land.
Again a few more minutes went by and then she stood and came over to us, we hugged and she said that she was ok, that her tears were now tears of joy, she had made her peace with her son.........
After we arrived back at the house, we raised a glass to toast her son, then hugged some more until I took her home.
I am so privileged to have been a witness to such a wonderful event in this woman's life.
I have shared this story with you because I know that you will probably be touched by this as I was.
You can heal old wounds, just as my client has done, even after many years of guilt and denial. Because she has gone through this process she will now move forward along a new pathway that, during those few moments in the rain, she created for herself.
Life a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
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