Hello to everyone who is reading this, maybe I know you, maybe I don't but one thing is for certain as far as I am concerned, and that is - at some point in our lives we will all need other people's help and assistance in one way or another.
The purpose of this piece is to show you, the reader, a few simple ways that you can use to have a positive impact on another person's life and the more we do this the better our own lives will become.
This is not a dictate or an instruction but simply a few ideas we can all follow, so off we go.......
The first may seem obvious but it is surprising how few of us actually do this,
Do things for other people that will make an impact on their lives, simply because you want to! - the last 4 words are the important point “Because you want to” it is no use doing it out of a sense of obligation or duty, because that will only make the action counter-productive.
Next – seek to develop friendships with new people, they may have something to share with you that can have a profound effect on you life or similarly you may have a major effect on their lives.
Remember, a small impact on someone's life can sometimes be more effective than a large one. You don't have to give money but a gesture or a kindly word will often be significant and mean a lot to the recipient. Give willingly and freely, expecting nothing in return and you could well be surprised by what transpires.
Here are a few examples of small things that could make a big difference
1 – hold a door open for someone who has their hands full
2 – carry a shopping bag for someone who is struggling
3 – listen to someone when they want someone to talk to
4 – share your knowledge
5 – share your time
6 – be pleasant to someone you do not know
7 – offer kind words to a work colleague or a family member
8 – commit to help someone every day
Another beneficial thing you can do that will go a long way to making an impact on someone's life is to cultivate a positive mind set – this is not “Positive Thinking” like the man who looks at his weed ridden garden and says “there's no weeds, there's no weeds” expecting the weeds to miraculously disappear – and become positive in your approach to people, that you are going to make a difference in their lives. That despite the ups and downs that we all go through, life is good and fun if we choose to make it so.
Pay attention to new people you may meet along your life journey because they may be there to help or teach you as you travel along the road we call life. Do not be quick to judge but take time to form your decisions and make the right ones.
Be consistent and committed to making a difference, be prepared to give something that will help someone you know or do not know and enjoy the process.
By putting these few ideas into practice you and I can begin to create the “ripple effect” and as a result of this change the world as we know it, going some way to making it a better place for all who live here, and what is exciting about this is we will probably never know how many people our small acts of kindness will effect and isn't that just great?
So until the next time I post an entry on here live your life with Love and Passion
and remember
Don't Predict the Future – CREATE IT!
DAve
Friday 20 August 2010
Thursday 12 August 2010
Shyness Awareness
Recently I have been asked by a few people to compile some of my thoughts concerning the subject of Shyness. Never one to recoil from a challenge I put my research head on and began to pore over many people's work that focussed on this topic. Below is the result of my labour.
Shyness, as defined by Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, has three components:
Excessive Self-Consciousness – you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation – you tend to see yourself negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation – you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people.
Having taken that as a “given” then my thoughts turned to providing some twenty pointers and tips that will help shyness sufferers move towards overcoming this perceived problem, but firstly let me explain why I say it is a perceived problem. The answer to that is quite simple, there is no such thing as a shy gene! The state of shyness is created by a weak self image, a pre-occupation with oneself and labelling.
Nobody is born shy, therefore it must follow that shyness is, like a vast majority of other “ailments or phobia”, learned behaviour. The direct result of recognising this fact is the conclusion that if shyness is learned, then it can, by its very definition be unlearned.
The 20 pointers
1 learn to understand your shyness, what is it that triggers it and when it does kick in what are you concerned with
2 change from being self conscious into a state of self awareness. The world is not concentrating on you and what you are doing. Become aware of what you are thinking and what you are feeling at the time.
3 identify your strengths and learn to use them to your advantage. Find something you are good at and concentrate on that. This will enable you to boost your self esteem,and help you to build your self confidence
4 learn to like yourself – you are the key to moving forward and before you can make progress it is vital that you put aside all your preconceptions about your being and because you are the only you there is, embrace that you, so that when someone asks you if you like or love yourself you can immediately answer, without hesitation, why of course I do, why wouldn't I?
5 Understand that it is ok to be different – wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same, thought the same thoughts, went to the same places, drove the same cars and so on. Remember that you are a unique individual, that there is only one of you and rejoice in that knowledge.
6 Focus on other people, take an interest in what they have to say, ask questions and wait for the answer.
7 Learn to breathe and maintain a focus on your breathing whenever you feel pressurised and /or nervous. Take deep breaths and inhale and exhale slowly.
8 It is also useful to move about or take exercise when you begin to become anxious. It helps you remove yourself from the situation and allows you to refocus your mind.
9 Visualise yourself as a confident person – when you place yourself in that state notice how you feel, what do you see, how do you stand, how do you place your hands and feet.
10 Use the power of affirmations – create a short affirmation to help you return to the mindset of being capable, confident and at ease with your wonderful self.
11 Sometimes it is good and worthwhile to “face your fear” - when a situation develops that causes your shyness to surface instead of running for the door, stand your ground and face it head on. The more often you do this, the stronger you will become.
12 I use this next tool often – Accept that not everyone will love you. To paraphrase Dr Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones book, During the US Presidential Elections when George Bush and George McGovern went head to head it was recorded that the victor received 53% of the vote and yet that was declared a landslide victory. So is you manage to get half of the people plus 3% to love you then you have got yourself a landslide!!!! In my own life, I want approval, I like approval, I seek approval but I don't need approval and the same can be said of you if you accept this part of my list.
13 Get rid of the notion that you need to be perfect because in the words of Winston Churchill “perfection is spelt paralysis”. It is far better to natural and make mistakes than to chase the ideal of perfection and be unhappy.
14 Another huge point that has a drastic effect on your approach is carrying around a label – you tell yourself and others “I'm Shy” and guess what? You are shy!!! Get rid of the label and instead acknowledge that you used to be a person who behaved in a shy manner but from now onwards that person has gone and you now welcome the opportunity to be more outgoing and friendly.
15 Practice thinking ahead, know what you are going to say during a conversation or during a talk that you are giving can give a great boost to overcoming your shyness thinking
16 Put yourself on the limit in order to desensitise your fear
17 Relax, breathe and move with grace
18 Do what you feel comfortable doing – go to places where you feel at ease and begin to relax and enjoy the moment.
19 Which leads me to the next point – Focus on the moment! Give it your full attention and don't keep worrying about what will happen in the future. Now, this moment, is all that you have – treasure it and make it special.
20 The final point is to advise you to seek out your success and each time you have a success moment, jot it down, and at the end of each day review it, what did I do there, how did it feel. This will then become your Journal of Success and if you do this diligently it will help you recreate the same situations often, until they become second nature.
As a follow up to this research I have produced a handy business card sized “aide memoir” to sit inside your wallet or purse and it is called 10 steps to overcome shyness. This card is available by dropping me a quick email with your address and I will send one out to you.
So there we have it, my thoughts on Shyness Awareness. I hope that you find them interesting and useful.
Until we speak again
Live a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Shyness, as defined by Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, has three components:
Excessive Self-Consciousness – you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation – you tend to see yourself negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation – you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people.
Having taken that as a “given” then my thoughts turned to providing some twenty pointers and tips that will help shyness sufferers move towards overcoming this perceived problem, but firstly let me explain why I say it is a perceived problem. The answer to that is quite simple, there is no such thing as a shy gene! The state of shyness is created by a weak self image, a pre-occupation with oneself and labelling.
Nobody is born shy, therefore it must follow that shyness is, like a vast majority of other “ailments or phobia”, learned behaviour. The direct result of recognising this fact is the conclusion that if shyness is learned, then it can, by its very definition be unlearned.
The 20 pointers
1 learn to understand your shyness, what is it that triggers it and when it does kick in what are you concerned with
2 change from being self conscious into a state of self awareness. The world is not concentrating on you and what you are doing. Become aware of what you are thinking and what you are feeling at the time.
3 identify your strengths and learn to use them to your advantage. Find something you are good at and concentrate on that. This will enable you to boost your self esteem,and help you to build your self confidence
4 learn to like yourself – you are the key to moving forward and before you can make progress it is vital that you put aside all your preconceptions about your being and because you are the only you there is, embrace that you, so that when someone asks you if you like or love yourself you can immediately answer, without hesitation, why of course I do, why wouldn't I?
5 Understand that it is ok to be different – wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same, thought the same thoughts, went to the same places, drove the same cars and so on. Remember that you are a unique individual, that there is only one of you and rejoice in that knowledge.
6 Focus on other people, take an interest in what they have to say, ask questions and wait for the answer.
7 Learn to breathe and maintain a focus on your breathing whenever you feel pressurised and /or nervous. Take deep breaths and inhale and exhale slowly.
8 It is also useful to move about or take exercise when you begin to become anxious. It helps you remove yourself from the situation and allows you to refocus your mind.
9 Visualise yourself as a confident person – when you place yourself in that state notice how you feel, what do you see, how do you stand, how do you place your hands and feet.
10 Use the power of affirmations – create a short affirmation to help you return to the mindset of being capable, confident and at ease with your wonderful self.
11 Sometimes it is good and worthwhile to “face your fear” - when a situation develops that causes your shyness to surface instead of running for the door, stand your ground and face it head on. The more often you do this, the stronger you will become.
12 I use this next tool often – Accept that not everyone will love you. To paraphrase Dr Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones book, During the US Presidential Elections when George Bush and George McGovern went head to head it was recorded that the victor received 53% of the vote and yet that was declared a landslide victory. So is you manage to get half of the people plus 3% to love you then you have got yourself a landslide!!!! In my own life, I want approval, I like approval, I seek approval but I don't need approval and the same can be said of you if you accept this part of my list.
13 Get rid of the notion that you need to be perfect because in the words of Winston Churchill “perfection is spelt paralysis”. It is far better to natural and make mistakes than to chase the ideal of perfection and be unhappy.
14 Another huge point that has a drastic effect on your approach is carrying around a label – you tell yourself and others “I'm Shy” and guess what? You are shy!!! Get rid of the label and instead acknowledge that you used to be a person who behaved in a shy manner but from now onwards that person has gone and you now welcome the opportunity to be more outgoing and friendly.
15 Practice thinking ahead, know what you are going to say during a conversation or during a talk that you are giving can give a great boost to overcoming your shyness thinking
16 Put yourself on the limit in order to desensitise your fear
17 Relax, breathe and move with grace
18 Do what you feel comfortable doing – go to places where you feel at ease and begin to relax and enjoy the moment.
19 Which leads me to the next point – Focus on the moment! Give it your full attention and don't keep worrying about what will happen in the future. Now, this moment, is all that you have – treasure it and make it special.
20 The final point is to advise you to seek out your success and each time you have a success moment, jot it down, and at the end of each day review it, what did I do there, how did it feel. This will then become your Journal of Success and if you do this diligently it will help you recreate the same situations often, until they become second nature.
As a follow up to this research I have produced a handy business card sized “aide memoir” to sit inside your wallet or purse and it is called 10 steps to overcome shyness. This card is available by dropping me a quick email with your address and I will send one out to you.
So there we have it, my thoughts on Shyness Awareness. I hope that you find them interesting and useful.
Until we speak again
Live a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
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