FEAR
Fear is an extremely powerful emotion, and whilst there are adrenalin junkies out there who love the sensations that fear creates, for most of us it gives a constant and gnawing pain in the pit of the stomach.
Some people have reported that they drink more or smoke more because of it.
There have been incidents where some people are right on the edge of success and then they become fearful and as a result of this fearful state they sabotage their own efforts.
It [fear] has killed more dreams and ruined more careers than all other causes combined.
In fact it has been reported that fear may be the worst enemy of the human species. and yet it has been with us since the beginning of our time on earth. In The Bible, The Book of Genesis speaks of fear and it appears throughout The Bible, The Torah and The Koran. This can be confirmed by reading the line from the Old Testament, delivered by Job, when he said, "That which I feared most has come upon me."
And now, in 2010 it would seem that the older we get, the more prone we are to allowing fear to control our lives. I can recall several instances where people in their 30s and 40s reported being in fearful states simply walking through the streets of a sleepy Devon town in the early evening. These people reported that their fearfulness was brought on because of the high numbers of marauding teenagers.
Elderly people living in sheltered accommodation are sitting fearfully behind locked and bolted doors because they have bought into the belief that society is intrinsically bad, and that there are always people “out to get them”, to “do them harm”, and to “rob them of everything they have”
But these people are not alone. Fear is gripping and biting at more people's lives than ever before and that is the fear of financial security. We are still in the remains of the worst financial crisis of our lifetime record numbers of cases are being processed by the Bankruptcy Courts. Personal debt is rising because of increased prices, lack of available funds (loans etc) and mounting credit card bills.
The system is in tatters and even today (25th February 2010) having announced £3.5bn losses, the banking group RBS said that they would still be paying out over a billion pounds to their staff by way of bonus payments because “we are fearful that if we don't make these payments we will lose some key members of staff, in fact, some have already left the bank”
BUT attitudes can be changed, fear can be defeated, you can learn how to manage and master it. The world famous trainer and motivator Zig Ziglar said “courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it”
Fears impact on us physically, mentally and emotionally. They enhance our negative thinking and impair our normal perception, rationality and comprehension. They cause us to limit our expectations and to avoid taking undue risks or face complications. Although our fears are intended to be part of our survival instinct, they become a problem when they begin to interfere with our normal functioning, we can see their negative impacts on our results and our relationships.
Over the course of our lives we become so habitually accustomed to our fears that we may not even notice their presence in our consciousness. As we learn to ignore our fears by pushing them down deep into our subconscious, we develop strange habits and self-limiting behavior under the illusion of leading normal lives, without feeling impaired or uncomfortable. In other words, we learn how to rationalize (which is another way of saying we learn how to tell ourselves "rational lies")!
Do you find yourself with any of these conditions caused by fear, worry, doubt and anxiety:
Do you show reluctance to make important decisions and take calculated risks?
Are you constantly worried about what other people think about you and worried that they'll think less of you if you take certain actions (fear of rejection)?
Do you suffer from low self-esteem and constantly underestimate yourself and your ability?
Do you always remain within your comfort zone, unwilling to venture out and experience new things or meet new people?
Are you carrying around a gnawing feeling of impending doom?
Do you exhibit irrational behavior (any kind of binge, ie., shopping, eating, drinking) followed by dark and gloomy guilt?
Would you prefer to stay in the same job or in the same unhappy relationship even if they are bankrupting you emotionally?
Do you avoid deep communications with others for fear of exposing your weaknesses?
Do you avoid socializing or building friendships to minimize the chances of getting hurt or being exploited?
Do you hide your feelings and thoughts from other people because you fear disapproval from them?
Would you let things happen rather than takecontrol of them for fear of ridicule or criticism?
Do you expericence constant procrastination and overall lack of initiative?
Do you undersell yourself due to a poor opinion and / or low expectation of yourself?
Do you experience physical symptoms like physical and mental tension, knot in the stomach, sweating, sleeplessness, indigestion or increased blood pressure, among others?
Fear is the cause of many of our mental and physical diseases, ranging from phobias to asthma, high blood pressure, strokes and nervous conditions. Fear-filled words have the power to destroy, tear down, discourage, depress, malign, and even call into being death and disease.
If it remains unchecked, fear (and all its cousins) will keep you in a state of discouragement, frustration and denial. In it's worst state it can destroy your business or career, your marriage, your health and your happiness.
Fear, doubt and worries are constant problems for many people even during the best of economic times. But now, with the biggest financial catastrophe since the Great Depression affecting many people, fear and worry have reached epidemic proportions.
Now, I would ask you whether you experience any of these limiting beliefs
Lack of time - this is NOT A TRUE STATEMENT because “time” is a man made concept “There is no time in infinity, time does not exist in eternity”
I work better under pressure – NOT TRUE because allowing yourself to be “under pressure” can encourage mistakes and errors, it would be better to say that “I work best when I give myself ample time”
If I say NO people won't like or respect me – NOT TRUE in fact exactly the opposite is correct. If you say NO people will respect you for admitting that you are not super human. Also, if you say NO to some things you are then able to say YES to the most important things. The word “NO” gives you freedom and is one of the most important words we ever learn.
Anything worth doing is worth doing perfectly – NOT TRUE it is a limiting belief, far better to say “Anything worth doing is worth failing at until I get it right”
Holding limiting beliefs is a classic expression of fearfulness and therefore guarantees that you are not living the fullest life that you can live. You have a duty to yourself to overcome your fearfulness and master your fear.
And so finally, I am going to set you a challenge, and that challenge is to find and eliminate at least one limiting belief every 24 hours for the next week, identify what you think or say that is the limiting belief and then as in the examples above change your internal speech to the exact opposite.
Write down your limiting belief, followed by the new positive self talk that you are going to give yourself and if you can let me have your feedback.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Thursday 25 February 2010
Tuesday 23 February 2010
Self Discipline
Hi and I hope that you are having a ball creating a great life for yourself. During a conversation with Tom about the forthcoming Solution Based Thinking seminar tour that we are planning to start in Bournemouth (probably sometime during May) we were discussing the implications of Self Mastery.
As a result of this chat I decided that it would be a good topic to look at here and so I have prepared this piece on Self Discipline
What is self discipline?
It is the ability to control your behaviour, to motivate yourself to do the things you should be doing and not do things you shouldn't be doing. Willpower may be considered a part of it, but sometimes trying to "force" yourself to do something is counter productive and simply makes things worse. If we learn to associate negative feelings with an activity, it becomes more difficult to do, and we become less likely to do it.
There are many ways that are possible routes into self discipline, I have added a few here but I am sure that if you think carefully you will be able to find even more.
Make a Start
Suppose you are delaying doing your tax return. Do you feel stressed when you think about completing those forms? Then don't think about it! Once sufficient thought has been given to any project, more thought just creates more stress. The negative feelings that develop make it harder and harder to force yourself to do what needs to be done. You feel like you have no self discipline
Action is the cure for this. Start by putting the forms where you can work on them later. Later, gather all the materials and put them with the forms. The next day, do just one form, and then another.
Whatever the task is, you can find enough motivation for some small step. Train your mind to take that first step as soon as you think of it. The next steps, and so the whole project becomes easier once you start
Enjoy what you are doing.
If you have ever stopped up all night talking about something interesting, you know what power the mind has over the body. It is very easy to put off sleep when we are motivated by a passionate discussion. It doesn't take much willpower to keep doing something when you are enjoying it, and that gives us another key to self discipline.
When you enjoy what you are doing you are fired up and motivated. Willpower goes up and down with energy levels, so play energetic music, move around, laugh, and look for ways to enjoy whatever project you are working on. The more you associate good feelings with a task, the easier it is to discipline yourself to do it.
Reward yourself.
Cut a task up into a few steps, and then give yourself a reward every time you complete each step. This could be a tub of ice cream, watching your favourite tv programme, or simply relaxing for a few minutes. Reward yourself with a pat on the back too. When you recognize your successes, large and small, the possibilities become more real to you, and more likely to be repeated.
Become more aware of how you work.
Suppose that piece of cake calls to you, or that television takes your attention away from your more important work.
It can be hard to resist temptation! Stronger willpower is a nice theory, but there is a simpler solution: stop standing in front of the cake! Turn off the television!
This is an easy lesson to understand, but try to train yourself to apply it habitually. Don't keep beer in the house if you don't want to drink it. Don't go alone to single's bars if you want to maintain a faithful marriage. Stay away from people and things that have the potential to lead you into trouble!
Self discipline doesn't mean you have to become immune to temptation, but it does me that you must develop the willpower to say no, if you wish.
But whilst doing that, why not have the wisdom to avoid temptation? If you learn where your resistance is low, then you can avoid those situations with relative ease.
Doesn't this make more sense than fighting useless battles with yourself?
Fighting with yourself is no way to develop self discipline. It is far better to learn about yourself; how are you energized; what motivates you and what are your strengths and weaknesses?
Why not learn about yourself, and start using what you learn to make the behaviours you want to develop easier. That is smarter self discipline.
(This piece is adapted from a paper by Steve Gilman)
So all that remains is to say to you all thanks for reading this, keep you eyes open for what is happening via my various groups on Facebook and Twitter and take a look at the Because Someone Cares website for our Foundation information.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
As a result of this chat I decided that it would be a good topic to look at here and so I have prepared this piece on Self Discipline
What is self discipline?
It is the ability to control your behaviour, to motivate yourself to do the things you should be doing and not do things you shouldn't be doing. Willpower may be considered a part of it, but sometimes trying to "force" yourself to do something is counter productive and simply makes things worse. If we learn to associate negative feelings with an activity, it becomes more difficult to do, and we become less likely to do it.
There are many ways that are possible routes into self discipline, I have added a few here but I am sure that if you think carefully you will be able to find even more.
Make a Start
Suppose you are delaying doing your tax return. Do you feel stressed when you think about completing those forms? Then don't think about it! Once sufficient thought has been given to any project, more thought just creates more stress. The negative feelings that develop make it harder and harder to force yourself to do what needs to be done. You feel like you have no self discipline
Action is the cure for this. Start by putting the forms where you can work on them later. Later, gather all the materials and put them with the forms. The next day, do just one form, and then another.
Whatever the task is, you can find enough motivation for some small step. Train your mind to take that first step as soon as you think of it. The next steps, and so the whole project becomes easier once you start
Enjoy what you are doing.
If you have ever stopped up all night talking about something interesting, you know what power the mind has over the body. It is very easy to put off sleep when we are motivated by a passionate discussion. It doesn't take much willpower to keep doing something when you are enjoying it, and that gives us another key to self discipline.
When you enjoy what you are doing you are fired up and motivated. Willpower goes up and down with energy levels, so play energetic music, move around, laugh, and look for ways to enjoy whatever project you are working on. The more you associate good feelings with a task, the easier it is to discipline yourself to do it.
Reward yourself.
Cut a task up into a few steps, and then give yourself a reward every time you complete each step. This could be a tub of ice cream, watching your favourite tv programme, or simply relaxing for a few minutes. Reward yourself with a pat on the back too. When you recognize your successes, large and small, the possibilities become more real to you, and more likely to be repeated.
Become more aware of how you work.
Suppose that piece of cake calls to you, or that television takes your attention away from your more important work.
It can be hard to resist temptation! Stronger willpower is a nice theory, but there is a simpler solution: stop standing in front of the cake! Turn off the television!
This is an easy lesson to understand, but try to train yourself to apply it habitually. Don't keep beer in the house if you don't want to drink it. Don't go alone to single's bars if you want to maintain a faithful marriage. Stay away from people and things that have the potential to lead you into trouble!
Self discipline doesn't mean you have to become immune to temptation, but it does me that you must develop the willpower to say no, if you wish.
But whilst doing that, why not have the wisdom to avoid temptation? If you learn where your resistance is low, then you can avoid those situations with relative ease.
Doesn't this make more sense than fighting useless battles with yourself?
Fighting with yourself is no way to develop self discipline. It is far better to learn about yourself; how are you energized; what motivates you and what are your strengths and weaknesses?
Why not learn about yourself, and start using what you learn to make the behaviours you want to develop easier. That is smarter self discipline.
(This piece is adapted from a paper by Steve Gilman)
So all that remains is to say to you all thanks for reading this, keep you eyes open for what is happening via my various groups on Facebook and Twitter and take a look at the Because Someone Cares website for our Foundation information.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
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