Thursday 16 December 2010
Thursday 2 December 2010
Thursday 25 November 2010
Sunday 21 November 2010
Saturday 13 November 2010
Thursday 11 November 2010
Wednesday 10 November 2010
Thursday 4 November 2010
Monday 1 November 2010
Thursday 28 October 2010
Wednesday 27 October 2010
Thursday 21 October 2010
Thursday 14 October 2010
Wednesday 13 October 2010
Friday 8 October 2010
Monday 4 October 2010
Motive, Objective, Movement
The process of changing your life is dependent on 3 main steps. These steps are the same whatever the changes you intend to make, and they are the same for everyone. It makes no difference if the change is to include an exercise routine, to lose weight, to give up smoking or to change your job.
So I have come up with an easy way to remember this
“When you want to make a change you should always consult your MOM”
What does this mean?
There are 3 steps that everybody must take in order to make a lasting change in their life and this is what they are
Step 1 – you have to have a Motive
Step 2 – you have to have an Objective
Step 3 – you have to have Movement
Now we know what steps you have to take to make a lasting change let us take a look at what each one is and how to do it
Step 1 - Motive
Before any change can take place you have to create the Motive. This is the reason why things have to be changed. If you don’t have a motive then any changes will turn out to be simply - dreams. You will probably say stuff like
I really should pack up smoking OR
I really should lose some weight OR
I really should look for another job OR
I really should change my life.
All those should statements mean that the change you are talking about is very unlikely to happen. It is simply a “should” and shoulds are by their very definition tentative things. Here I am going to make a major assumption - anyone who is reading this blog or listening to the broadcast knows that tentative things are just as likely to be ignored and therefore remain undone.
The only way to make these shoulds become cast iron motives is to make them so important that they are going to become painful if they are not done.
How many times have you stopped doing something because you have hurt yourself – let us return for a moment to the days of our childhood –
As children we all like to take risks be a bit adventurous, push the boundaries, it is part of the growing up process. And we will continue to push it even if our parents warn us to “stop doing that because you will get hurt if you carry on” or as my mum often used to say “there’ll be some rain after all this wind”
Eventually something drastic happens, and, depending on the thing we are doing, we could cut ourselves, take a tumble and so on. The ultimate result being that we hurt ourselves –
Now we make a decision - do we do it again or do we learn from it.
In other words the painful result of our action created the change within us.
Now let’s come to the present – suppose we want to lose weight. All too often we make the noises about losing weight but do we actually do it?
I’ll bet more than 75% of you said “no” to that question
BUT if you were to take a long hard look in the mirror, or to read the statistics about obesity and take note of you BMI and realize that you are morbidly obese, or discover that the dress you bought a week ago no longer fits you. Then any of these can provide the pain that gives you the Motive to move forward with the weight loss.
The next step to look at is
Step 2 - Objective
So now in whatever way we have identified the Motive, our reason that we are going to take the steps necessary to achieve the desired outcome – be it giving up smoking, losing weight, changing job etc.
We need to set ourselves the Objective – this is another name for the goal.
In order to make the goal a solid object - to do this we need to identify exactly what it is we are working towards –
It is not good enough to set the objective as being “I want to lose some weight” or “I want to give up smoking”. These statements are far too wishy – washy, we need to firm them up with something way more specific
For example
“In 6 months time I want to have lost (you must be realistic here) 10lbs excess weight and to feel fitter because of it”
You will note my comment about being realistic!
It is no use saying that you want to lose 42lbs in 3 months if you know that you your lifestyle will not enable you to lose the necessary 3.5lbs per week.
It is far better to set an achievable target and then be able to move forwards to the next target than to set an unrealistic target and fall by the wayside because you cannot keep up.
If it is your motive or intention to give up smoking (now I know that there are people who become sufficiently motivated to give up immediately) by reducing from 20 cigarettes a day to 15 cigarettes a day to 10 cigarettes then 5 and then zero then that far better than saying “that’s it I have stopped smoking” only to restart an hour later.
The objective is the long term plan this is what I want to achieve – You can write this down in huge great letters and pin it up all over your house in order to re-enforce your objectives.
BUT
It is really not sufficient to have Motive and Objective to be really really certain that you are going to make the changes you require you must have the Movement
Step 3 – Movement
Movement is the result of taking action
You can plan your objective with absolute military precision but unless you do what is necessary to make it happen, then sorry, but it is doomed to fail.
So how do you equate movement to the chosen project – does it mean starting a new exercise regime, does it mean taking up a hobby to occupy yourself or something else?
Often it can be a simple step that begins to create the momentum required to carry you and your plan forward
For example –
Maybe you choose to make a phone call that will put you in touch with someone who can assist you in a part of the plan but then having made that phone call you decide that because you have made one call, it wouldn’t do any harm to make a second and a third and so on.
Maybe you choose to read a chapter of a book that will give you some insight into things to do, and having read a chapter you go on to read another two
Either way you have begun the movement section and have taken steps towards your Objective.
By now it will have become apparent that taking action is crucial to achieving your objective and the bigger the action the more you will move ahead.
In other words to get the biggest benefit from your MOM
Know what you want
Know why you want it
Take huge action to get it
Conclusion
So in conclusion the only way things can ever change in any person’s life is by action being taken. Sometimes this action is the result of conscious decisions we make and other times the action is “forced upon us” by external forces, but the net result is that things WILL change.
If you want to make permanent positive changes in your life then
“You should always consult your MOM”
Until the next time we speak live a life of Passion and Power and remember
Don’t predict the future – CREATE IT!
DAve
So I have come up with an easy way to remember this
“When you want to make a change you should always consult your MOM”
What does this mean?
There are 3 steps that everybody must take in order to make a lasting change in their life and this is what they are
Step 1 – you have to have a Motive
Step 2 – you have to have an Objective
Step 3 – you have to have Movement
Now we know what steps you have to take to make a lasting change let us take a look at what each one is and how to do it
Step 1 - Motive
Before any change can take place you have to create the Motive. This is the reason why things have to be changed. If you don’t have a motive then any changes will turn out to be simply - dreams. You will probably say stuff like
I really should pack up smoking OR
I really should lose some weight OR
I really should look for another job OR
I really should change my life.
All those should statements mean that the change you are talking about is very unlikely to happen. It is simply a “should” and shoulds are by their very definition tentative things. Here I am going to make a major assumption - anyone who is reading this blog or listening to the broadcast knows that tentative things are just as likely to be ignored and therefore remain undone.
The only way to make these shoulds become cast iron motives is to make them so important that they are going to become painful if they are not done.
How many times have you stopped doing something because you have hurt yourself – let us return for a moment to the days of our childhood –
As children we all like to take risks be a bit adventurous, push the boundaries, it is part of the growing up process. And we will continue to push it even if our parents warn us to “stop doing that because you will get hurt if you carry on” or as my mum often used to say “there’ll be some rain after all this wind”
Eventually something drastic happens, and, depending on the thing we are doing, we could cut ourselves, take a tumble and so on. The ultimate result being that we hurt ourselves –
Now we make a decision - do we do it again or do we learn from it.
In other words the painful result of our action created the change within us.
Now let’s come to the present – suppose we want to lose weight. All too often we make the noises about losing weight but do we actually do it?
I’ll bet more than 75% of you said “no” to that question
BUT if you were to take a long hard look in the mirror, or to read the statistics about obesity and take note of you BMI and realize that you are morbidly obese, or discover that the dress you bought a week ago no longer fits you. Then any of these can provide the pain that gives you the Motive to move forward with the weight loss.
The next step to look at is
Step 2 - Objective
So now in whatever way we have identified the Motive, our reason that we are going to take the steps necessary to achieve the desired outcome – be it giving up smoking, losing weight, changing job etc.
We need to set ourselves the Objective – this is another name for the goal.
In order to make the goal a solid object - to do this we need to identify exactly what it is we are working towards –
It is not good enough to set the objective as being “I want to lose some weight” or “I want to give up smoking”. These statements are far too wishy – washy, we need to firm them up with something way more specific
For example
“In 6 months time I want to have lost (you must be realistic here) 10lbs excess weight and to feel fitter because of it”
You will note my comment about being realistic!
It is no use saying that you want to lose 42lbs in 3 months if you know that you your lifestyle will not enable you to lose the necessary 3.5lbs per week.
It is far better to set an achievable target and then be able to move forwards to the next target than to set an unrealistic target and fall by the wayside because you cannot keep up.
If it is your motive or intention to give up smoking (now I know that there are people who become sufficiently motivated to give up immediately) by reducing from 20 cigarettes a day to 15 cigarettes a day to 10 cigarettes then 5 and then zero then that far better than saying “that’s it I have stopped smoking” only to restart an hour later.
The objective is the long term plan this is what I want to achieve – You can write this down in huge great letters and pin it up all over your house in order to re-enforce your objectives.
BUT
It is really not sufficient to have Motive and Objective to be really really certain that you are going to make the changes you require you must have the Movement
Step 3 – Movement
Movement is the result of taking action
You can plan your objective with absolute military precision but unless you do what is necessary to make it happen, then sorry, but it is doomed to fail.
So how do you equate movement to the chosen project – does it mean starting a new exercise regime, does it mean taking up a hobby to occupy yourself or something else?
Often it can be a simple step that begins to create the momentum required to carry you and your plan forward
For example –
Maybe you choose to make a phone call that will put you in touch with someone who can assist you in a part of the plan but then having made that phone call you decide that because you have made one call, it wouldn’t do any harm to make a second and a third and so on.
Maybe you choose to read a chapter of a book that will give you some insight into things to do, and having read a chapter you go on to read another two
Either way you have begun the movement section and have taken steps towards your Objective.
By now it will have become apparent that taking action is crucial to achieving your objective and the bigger the action the more you will move ahead.
In other words to get the biggest benefit from your MOM
Know what you want
Know why you want it
Take huge action to get it
Conclusion
So in conclusion the only way things can ever change in any person’s life is by action being taken. Sometimes this action is the result of conscious decisions we make and other times the action is “forced upon us” by external forces, but the net result is that things WILL change.
If you want to make permanent positive changes in your life then
“You should always consult your MOM”
Until the next time we speak live a life of Passion and Power and remember
Don’t predict the future – CREATE IT!
DAve
Friday 1 October 2010
Coaching Radio is born
Hi everyone
Firstly let me apologise to you for the lengthy delay in creating a new entry to my blog pages.
This is not without good reason - I have been creating the Coaching Radio brand and have now launched the first 2 broadcasts.
These broadcasts can be found at
www.coachingradio.podbean.com
At the time of writing there are two fairly short shows but as we develop I have a couple of serious interviews planned before the end of October.
You can also subscribe to these shows by clicking the "subscribe via iTunes" button on the page or by going direct to iTunes and searching for "coachingradio"
While you are at it don't forget the books I have written "It's My Life" and "It's My Life 2" both available on Lulu.com
So for now I will say have a great day, live a life of passion and power and remember
Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!
Firstly let me apologise to you for the lengthy delay in creating a new entry to my blog pages.
This is not without good reason - I have been creating the Coaching Radio brand and have now launched the first 2 broadcasts.
These broadcasts can be found at
www.coachingradio.podbean.com
At the time of writing there are two fairly short shows but as we develop I have a couple of serious interviews planned before the end of October.
You can also subscribe to these shows by clicking the "subscribe via iTunes" button on the page or by going direct to iTunes and searching for "coachingradio"
While you are at it don't forget the books I have written "It's My Life" and "It's My Life 2" both available on Lulu.com
So for now I will say have a great day, live a life of passion and power and remember
Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!
Friday 20 August 2010
Making a Positive Impact
Hello to everyone who is reading this, maybe I know you, maybe I don't but one thing is for certain as far as I am concerned, and that is - at some point in our lives we will all need other people's help and assistance in one way or another.
The purpose of this piece is to show you, the reader, a few simple ways that you can use to have a positive impact on another person's life and the more we do this the better our own lives will become.
This is not a dictate or an instruction but simply a few ideas we can all follow, so off we go.......
The first may seem obvious but it is surprising how few of us actually do this,
Do things for other people that will make an impact on their lives, simply because you want to! - the last 4 words are the important point “Because you want to” it is no use doing it out of a sense of obligation or duty, because that will only make the action counter-productive.
Next – seek to develop friendships with new people, they may have something to share with you that can have a profound effect on you life or similarly you may have a major effect on their lives.
Remember, a small impact on someone's life can sometimes be more effective than a large one. You don't have to give money but a gesture or a kindly word will often be significant and mean a lot to the recipient. Give willingly and freely, expecting nothing in return and you could well be surprised by what transpires.
Here are a few examples of small things that could make a big difference
1 – hold a door open for someone who has their hands full
2 – carry a shopping bag for someone who is struggling
3 – listen to someone when they want someone to talk to
4 – share your knowledge
5 – share your time
6 – be pleasant to someone you do not know
7 – offer kind words to a work colleague or a family member
8 – commit to help someone every day
Another beneficial thing you can do that will go a long way to making an impact on someone's life is to cultivate a positive mind set – this is not “Positive Thinking” like the man who looks at his weed ridden garden and says “there's no weeds, there's no weeds” expecting the weeds to miraculously disappear – and become positive in your approach to people, that you are going to make a difference in their lives. That despite the ups and downs that we all go through, life is good and fun if we choose to make it so.
Pay attention to new people you may meet along your life journey because they may be there to help or teach you as you travel along the road we call life. Do not be quick to judge but take time to form your decisions and make the right ones.
Be consistent and committed to making a difference, be prepared to give something that will help someone you know or do not know and enjoy the process.
By putting these few ideas into practice you and I can begin to create the “ripple effect” and as a result of this change the world as we know it, going some way to making it a better place for all who live here, and what is exciting about this is we will probably never know how many people our small acts of kindness will effect and isn't that just great?
So until the next time I post an entry on here live your life with Love and Passion
and remember
Don't Predict the Future – CREATE IT!
DAve
The purpose of this piece is to show you, the reader, a few simple ways that you can use to have a positive impact on another person's life and the more we do this the better our own lives will become.
This is not a dictate or an instruction but simply a few ideas we can all follow, so off we go.......
The first may seem obvious but it is surprising how few of us actually do this,
Do things for other people that will make an impact on their lives, simply because you want to! - the last 4 words are the important point “Because you want to” it is no use doing it out of a sense of obligation or duty, because that will only make the action counter-productive.
Next – seek to develop friendships with new people, they may have something to share with you that can have a profound effect on you life or similarly you may have a major effect on their lives.
Remember, a small impact on someone's life can sometimes be more effective than a large one. You don't have to give money but a gesture or a kindly word will often be significant and mean a lot to the recipient. Give willingly and freely, expecting nothing in return and you could well be surprised by what transpires.
Here are a few examples of small things that could make a big difference
1 – hold a door open for someone who has their hands full
2 – carry a shopping bag for someone who is struggling
3 – listen to someone when they want someone to talk to
4 – share your knowledge
5 – share your time
6 – be pleasant to someone you do not know
7 – offer kind words to a work colleague or a family member
8 – commit to help someone every day
Another beneficial thing you can do that will go a long way to making an impact on someone's life is to cultivate a positive mind set – this is not “Positive Thinking” like the man who looks at his weed ridden garden and says “there's no weeds, there's no weeds” expecting the weeds to miraculously disappear – and become positive in your approach to people, that you are going to make a difference in their lives. That despite the ups and downs that we all go through, life is good and fun if we choose to make it so.
Pay attention to new people you may meet along your life journey because they may be there to help or teach you as you travel along the road we call life. Do not be quick to judge but take time to form your decisions and make the right ones.
Be consistent and committed to making a difference, be prepared to give something that will help someone you know or do not know and enjoy the process.
By putting these few ideas into practice you and I can begin to create the “ripple effect” and as a result of this change the world as we know it, going some way to making it a better place for all who live here, and what is exciting about this is we will probably never know how many people our small acts of kindness will effect and isn't that just great?
So until the next time I post an entry on here live your life with Love and Passion
and remember
Don't Predict the Future – CREATE IT!
DAve
Thursday 12 August 2010
Shyness Awareness
Recently I have been asked by a few people to compile some of my thoughts concerning the subject of Shyness. Never one to recoil from a challenge I put my research head on and began to pore over many people's work that focussed on this topic. Below is the result of my labour.
Shyness, as defined by Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, has three components:
Excessive Self-Consciousness – you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation – you tend to see yourself negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation – you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people.
Having taken that as a “given” then my thoughts turned to providing some twenty pointers and tips that will help shyness sufferers move towards overcoming this perceived problem, but firstly let me explain why I say it is a perceived problem. The answer to that is quite simple, there is no such thing as a shy gene! The state of shyness is created by a weak self image, a pre-occupation with oneself and labelling.
Nobody is born shy, therefore it must follow that shyness is, like a vast majority of other “ailments or phobia”, learned behaviour. The direct result of recognising this fact is the conclusion that if shyness is learned, then it can, by its very definition be unlearned.
The 20 pointers
1 learn to understand your shyness, what is it that triggers it and when it does kick in what are you concerned with
2 change from being self conscious into a state of self awareness. The world is not concentrating on you and what you are doing. Become aware of what you are thinking and what you are feeling at the time.
3 identify your strengths and learn to use them to your advantage. Find something you are good at and concentrate on that. This will enable you to boost your self esteem,and help you to build your self confidence
4 learn to like yourself – you are the key to moving forward and before you can make progress it is vital that you put aside all your preconceptions about your being and because you are the only you there is, embrace that you, so that when someone asks you if you like or love yourself you can immediately answer, without hesitation, why of course I do, why wouldn't I?
5 Understand that it is ok to be different – wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same, thought the same thoughts, went to the same places, drove the same cars and so on. Remember that you are a unique individual, that there is only one of you and rejoice in that knowledge.
6 Focus on other people, take an interest in what they have to say, ask questions and wait for the answer.
7 Learn to breathe and maintain a focus on your breathing whenever you feel pressurised and /or nervous. Take deep breaths and inhale and exhale slowly.
8 It is also useful to move about or take exercise when you begin to become anxious. It helps you remove yourself from the situation and allows you to refocus your mind.
9 Visualise yourself as a confident person – when you place yourself in that state notice how you feel, what do you see, how do you stand, how do you place your hands and feet.
10 Use the power of affirmations – create a short affirmation to help you return to the mindset of being capable, confident and at ease with your wonderful self.
11 Sometimes it is good and worthwhile to “face your fear” - when a situation develops that causes your shyness to surface instead of running for the door, stand your ground and face it head on. The more often you do this, the stronger you will become.
12 I use this next tool often – Accept that not everyone will love you. To paraphrase Dr Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones book, During the US Presidential Elections when George Bush and George McGovern went head to head it was recorded that the victor received 53% of the vote and yet that was declared a landslide victory. So is you manage to get half of the people plus 3% to love you then you have got yourself a landslide!!!! In my own life, I want approval, I like approval, I seek approval but I don't need approval and the same can be said of you if you accept this part of my list.
13 Get rid of the notion that you need to be perfect because in the words of Winston Churchill “perfection is spelt paralysis”. It is far better to natural and make mistakes than to chase the ideal of perfection and be unhappy.
14 Another huge point that has a drastic effect on your approach is carrying around a label – you tell yourself and others “I'm Shy” and guess what? You are shy!!! Get rid of the label and instead acknowledge that you used to be a person who behaved in a shy manner but from now onwards that person has gone and you now welcome the opportunity to be more outgoing and friendly.
15 Practice thinking ahead, know what you are going to say during a conversation or during a talk that you are giving can give a great boost to overcoming your shyness thinking
16 Put yourself on the limit in order to desensitise your fear
17 Relax, breathe and move with grace
18 Do what you feel comfortable doing – go to places where you feel at ease and begin to relax and enjoy the moment.
19 Which leads me to the next point – Focus on the moment! Give it your full attention and don't keep worrying about what will happen in the future. Now, this moment, is all that you have – treasure it and make it special.
20 The final point is to advise you to seek out your success and each time you have a success moment, jot it down, and at the end of each day review it, what did I do there, how did it feel. This will then become your Journal of Success and if you do this diligently it will help you recreate the same situations often, until they become second nature.
As a follow up to this research I have produced a handy business card sized “aide memoir” to sit inside your wallet or purse and it is called 10 steps to overcome shyness. This card is available by dropping me a quick email with your address and I will send one out to you.
So there we have it, my thoughts on Shyness Awareness. I hope that you find them interesting and useful.
Until we speak again
Live a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Shyness, as defined by Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, has three components:
Excessive Self-Consciousness – you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation – you tend to see yourself negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation – you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people.
Having taken that as a “given” then my thoughts turned to providing some twenty pointers and tips that will help shyness sufferers move towards overcoming this perceived problem, but firstly let me explain why I say it is a perceived problem. The answer to that is quite simple, there is no such thing as a shy gene! The state of shyness is created by a weak self image, a pre-occupation with oneself and labelling.
Nobody is born shy, therefore it must follow that shyness is, like a vast majority of other “ailments or phobia”, learned behaviour. The direct result of recognising this fact is the conclusion that if shyness is learned, then it can, by its very definition be unlearned.
The 20 pointers
1 learn to understand your shyness, what is it that triggers it and when it does kick in what are you concerned with
2 change from being self conscious into a state of self awareness. The world is not concentrating on you and what you are doing. Become aware of what you are thinking and what you are feeling at the time.
3 identify your strengths and learn to use them to your advantage. Find something you are good at and concentrate on that. This will enable you to boost your self esteem,and help you to build your self confidence
4 learn to like yourself – you are the key to moving forward and before you can make progress it is vital that you put aside all your preconceptions about your being and because you are the only you there is, embrace that you, so that when someone asks you if you like or love yourself you can immediately answer, without hesitation, why of course I do, why wouldn't I?
5 Understand that it is ok to be different – wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same, thought the same thoughts, went to the same places, drove the same cars and so on. Remember that you are a unique individual, that there is only one of you and rejoice in that knowledge.
6 Focus on other people, take an interest in what they have to say, ask questions and wait for the answer.
7 Learn to breathe and maintain a focus on your breathing whenever you feel pressurised and /or nervous. Take deep breaths and inhale and exhale slowly.
8 It is also useful to move about or take exercise when you begin to become anxious. It helps you remove yourself from the situation and allows you to refocus your mind.
9 Visualise yourself as a confident person – when you place yourself in that state notice how you feel, what do you see, how do you stand, how do you place your hands and feet.
10 Use the power of affirmations – create a short affirmation to help you return to the mindset of being capable, confident and at ease with your wonderful self.
11 Sometimes it is good and worthwhile to “face your fear” - when a situation develops that causes your shyness to surface instead of running for the door, stand your ground and face it head on. The more often you do this, the stronger you will become.
12 I use this next tool often – Accept that not everyone will love you. To paraphrase Dr Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones book, During the US Presidential Elections when George Bush and George McGovern went head to head it was recorded that the victor received 53% of the vote and yet that was declared a landslide victory. So is you manage to get half of the people plus 3% to love you then you have got yourself a landslide!!!! In my own life, I want approval, I like approval, I seek approval but I don't need approval and the same can be said of you if you accept this part of my list.
13 Get rid of the notion that you need to be perfect because in the words of Winston Churchill “perfection is spelt paralysis”. It is far better to natural and make mistakes than to chase the ideal of perfection and be unhappy.
14 Another huge point that has a drastic effect on your approach is carrying around a label – you tell yourself and others “I'm Shy” and guess what? You are shy!!! Get rid of the label and instead acknowledge that you used to be a person who behaved in a shy manner but from now onwards that person has gone and you now welcome the opportunity to be more outgoing and friendly.
15 Practice thinking ahead, know what you are going to say during a conversation or during a talk that you are giving can give a great boost to overcoming your shyness thinking
16 Put yourself on the limit in order to desensitise your fear
17 Relax, breathe and move with grace
18 Do what you feel comfortable doing – go to places where you feel at ease and begin to relax and enjoy the moment.
19 Which leads me to the next point – Focus on the moment! Give it your full attention and don't keep worrying about what will happen in the future. Now, this moment, is all that you have – treasure it and make it special.
20 The final point is to advise you to seek out your success and each time you have a success moment, jot it down, and at the end of each day review it, what did I do there, how did it feel. This will then become your Journal of Success and if you do this diligently it will help you recreate the same situations often, until they become second nature.
As a follow up to this research I have produced a handy business card sized “aide memoir” to sit inside your wallet or purse and it is called 10 steps to overcome shyness. This card is available by dropping me a quick email with your address and I will send one out to you.
So there we have it, my thoughts on Shyness Awareness. I hope that you find them interesting and useful.
Until we speak again
Live a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Friday 2 July 2010
An amazing experience & breakthrough
Hi everyone
I just feel that I have to share this amazing thing with you all, however in the interest of client confidentiality and in adherance to my Coaching Code I will refrain from identifying the person(s) involved with this event.
Over the past 3 years I have been coaching a lady who came to me with very low self worth, a "poor me" complex and more recently confirmed as having BiPolar disorder. This coaching has proved a real test of my skills, there have been some mistakes, some harsh words and some laughs along the way, BUT more importantly a great deal of progress has been made.
Not the least of her perceived problems, but one that has been given a high level of importance by her is the situation concerning a child that died very early in life and his burial in an unmarked plot in the local cemetery approximately 14 years ago.
She has been carrying a huge pile of guilt around with her, often refusing to discuss the siuation and stating that she had no idea whereabouts in the cemetery the baby was buried.
On the rare occasions that she would talk about the child she often stated that she blamed herself for everything surrounding his death and burial and regularly reproached herself for not acknowledging him, which equated to feelings of bad motherhood.
Anyway, last night this client visited and we spent a large portion of her visit talking about this child and her wanting to "make her peace with him"...........
......eventually shortly after midnight she said that she knew where the plot was and that she wanted to go to visit him...........
amid much hesitation and self doubt she decided that the visit was going to go ahead, so we got into the car and made the short drive, through the pouring rain, to the cemetery.
The gate was open and, although she hesitated, we walked inside. She led the way to the "children's corner" and across the grass to where she stopped and said "this is it!" Even in the rain I could tell that she had tears streaming down her face and she soon ended up sobbing uncontrollably.
After about 20mins she calmed down and Alison and I withdrew a short distance and left her alone, admidst the short bouts of sobbing we could hear her talking and then she knealt on the ground and tidied some of the weeds around this tiny plot of land.
Again a few more minutes went by and then she stood and came over to us, we hugged and she said that she was ok, that her tears were now tears of joy, she had made her peace with her son.........
After we arrived back at the house, we raised a glass to toast her son, then hugged some more until I took her home.
I am so privileged to have been a witness to such a wonderful event in this woman's life.
I have shared this story with you because I know that you will probably be touched by this as I was.
You can heal old wounds, just as my client has done, even after many years of guilt and denial. Because she has gone through this process she will now move forward along a new pathway that, during those few moments in the rain, she created for herself.
Life a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
I just feel that I have to share this amazing thing with you all, however in the interest of client confidentiality and in adherance to my Coaching Code I will refrain from identifying the person(s) involved with this event.
Over the past 3 years I have been coaching a lady who came to me with very low self worth, a "poor me" complex and more recently confirmed as having BiPolar disorder. This coaching has proved a real test of my skills, there have been some mistakes, some harsh words and some laughs along the way, BUT more importantly a great deal of progress has been made.
Not the least of her perceived problems, but one that has been given a high level of importance by her is the situation concerning a child that died very early in life and his burial in an unmarked plot in the local cemetery approximately 14 years ago.
She has been carrying a huge pile of guilt around with her, often refusing to discuss the siuation and stating that she had no idea whereabouts in the cemetery the baby was buried.
On the rare occasions that she would talk about the child she often stated that she blamed herself for everything surrounding his death and burial and regularly reproached herself for not acknowledging him, which equated to feelings of bad motherhood.
Anyway, last night this client visited and we spent a large portion of her visit talking about this child and her wanting to "make her peace with him"...........
......eventually shortly after midnight she said that she knew where the plot was and that she wanted to go to visit him...........
amid much hesitation and self doubt she decided that the visit was going to go ahead, so we got into the car and made the short drive, through the pouring rain, to the cemetery.
The gate was open and, although she hesitated, we walked inside. She led the way to the "children's corner" and across the grass to where she stopped and said "this is it!" Even in the rain I could tell that she had tears streaming down her face and she soon ended up sobbing uncontrollably.
After about 20mins she calmed down and Alison and I withdrew a short distance and left her alone, admidst the short bouts of sobbing we could hear her talking and then she knealt on the ground and tidied some of the weeds around this tiny plot of land.
Again a few more minutes went by and then she stood and came over to us, we hugged and she said that she was ok, that her tears were now tears of joy, she had made her peace with her son.........
After we arrived back at the house, we raised a glass to toast her son, then hugged some more until I took her home.
I am so privileged to have been a witness to such a wonderful event in this woman's life.
I have shared this story with you because I know that you will probably be touched by this as I was.
You can heal old wounds, just as my client has done, even after many years of guilt and denial. Because she has gone through this process she will now move forward along a new pathway that, during those few moments in the rain, she created for herself.
Life a life of love and passion and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Tuesday 22 June 2010
What are Emotions (Part 2)
Welcome back. Just to recap, in Part 1 we identified that Negative Emotions are pointers to change (Emotional Signposts).
For example the emotion of Fear = get prepared, cope with or deal with.
6 steps to help you deal with these emotions when they arise -
1 Identify the emotion
2 Appreciate the message (see below, The Action Signals)
3 How can you use it
4 Feel reassured
5 See release as a tool of empowerment
6 Take action to improve the situation
10 basic messages of change (The Action Signals)
1 Uncomfortable – boredom, impatience
2 Fear – worry, apprehension
3 Hurt – loss
4 Anger – irritated, annoyed
5 Frustration – held back
6 Disappointment
7 Guilt – regret
8 Inadequacy – less than perfect
9 Overloaded – hopeless, depressed, more than you can deal with
10 Loneliness
The Mastery Steps
The following steps are designed to help you take control of your emotional situation
1 - Identify the signal then
a) change your state
b) clarify what you want
c)take action in that direction
Change your perception or your procedure.
2 - Appreciate the message
3 - Get Curious – how do you want to feel. What would you need to believe
to feel this way
What would you be willing to do to handle this emotion. What can you learn
from this.
4 - Get Confident – remember when you have felt this before and got over it.
What did you do?
5 - Get Certain – identify 3 or 4 ways of dealing with the emotion
6 - Get Excited – Take MASSIVE Action. - Kill the monster while it is little!!!
And finally ….....
Here are 10 emotions to cultivate seeds of greatness, to make life work.
1 Love and warmth
2 Appreciation and Gratitude
3 Curiosity (wonder)
4 Excitement and Passion
5 Determination
6 Flexibility
7 Confidence
8 Cheerfulness
9 Health
10 Contribution
I hope that in some way these notes on Emotions have helped you to understand that they are your responsibility and belong to no-one else.
Remember – there is not one person alive today who can make you feel anything (despite what you may believe) you are responsible for every feeling you experience.
So now let me wish you a fantastic life from this moment forwards and live passionately in every moment.
For example the emotion of Fear = get prepared, cope with or deal with.
6 steps to help you deal with these emotions when they arise -
1 Identify the emotion
2 Appreciate the message (see below, The Action Signals)
3 How can you use it
4 Feel reassured
5 See release as a tool of empowerment
6 Take action to improve the situation
10 basic messages of change (The Action Signals)
1 Uncomfortable – boredom, impatience
2 Fear – worry, apprehension
3 Hurt – loss
4 Anger – irritated, annoyed
5 Frustration – held back
6 Disappointment
7 Guilt – regret
8 Inadequacy – less than perfect
9 Overloaded – hopeless, depressed, more than you can deal with
10 Loneliness
The Mastery Steps
The following steps are designed to help you take control of your emotional situation
1 - Identify the signal then
a) change your state
b) clarify what you want
c)take action in that direction
Change your perception or your procedure.
2 - Appreciate the message
3 - Get Curious – how do you want to feel. What would you need to believe
to feel this way
What would you be willing to do to handle this emotion. What can you learn
from this.
4 - Get Confident – remember when you have felt this before and got over it.
What did you do?
5 - Get Certain – identify 3 or 4 ways of dealing with the emotion
6 - Get Excited – Take MASSIVE Action. - Kill the monster while it is little!!!
And finally ….....
Here are 10 emotions to cultivate seeds of greatness, to make life work.
1 Love and warmth
2 Appreciation and Gratitude
3 Curiosity (wonder)
4 Excitement and Passion
5 Determination
6 Flexibility
7 Confidence
8 Cheerfulness
9 Health
10 Contribution
I hope that in some way these notes on Emotions have helped you to understand that they are your responsibility and belong to no-one else.
Remember – there is not one person alive today who can make you feel anything (despite what you may believe) you are responsible for every feeling you experience.
So now let me wish you a fantastic life from this moment forwards and live passionately in every moment.
Wednesday 16 June 2010
What Are Emotions (Part 1)
What Are Emotions? (Part 1)
Emotions are a call to action. It is often said that emotions can be both positive or negative. Positive emotions help you to feel good about yourself and your life, whereas, negative emotions have a tendency to create doubts, worry, fear, discomfort etc.
Therefore, we can sum up negative emotions in the following way, they are pointers to change (Emotional Signposts)
Now let me ask you a question – how do you deal with your negative emotions at present?
Your answer will probably fall into one of the following categories
a) avoidance
b) endurance or denial
c) competition
d) learn and utilise
At this point I have to say something that a lot of people will find difficult to believe -
“You ARE 100% responsible for your reaction to your circumstances (your emotions!)” Nothing at any time MAKES you feel anything. How you feel is the result of the meaning that you attach to a situation, the logical conclusion to this is that there are no negative emotions. There are simply emotions and positive or negative is your interpretation of events.
Let us take a moment to try a short exercise
1st off I want you to imagine something specific that you would like to own
Now I want you to spend a few moments hoping that you will get it. - how does it feel, how are you standing, how are you breathing.
Now I want you to spend a few moments being absolutely certain that you are going get it – how does it feel, how are you standing, how are you breathing.
Now compare the two sets of feelings – is the way you felt when you were hoping very much different from how you felt when you were certain that it was going to happen?
I'll bet it is – now lets think about the process you went through – does the actual thing exist? No not here and now and yet I know that the feelings in you were as genuine as if you were experiencing this expectation for real.
This experiment has just proven that you don't need the actual thing to make you feel the emotion and that you can change your feelings and emotions at will. (from hope to certainty in an instant)
Have a fantastic day and remember -
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Emotions are a call to action. It is often said that emotions can be both positive or negative. Positive emotions help you to feel good about yourself and your life, whereas, negative emotions have a tendency to create doubts, worry, fear, discomfort etc.
Therefore, we can sum up negative emotions in the following way, they are pointers to change (Emotional Signposts)
Now let me ask you a question – how do you deal with your negative emotions at present?
Your answer will probably fall into one of the following categories
a) avoidance
b) endurance or denial
c) competition
d) learn and utilise
At this point I have to say something that a lot of people will find difficult to believe -
“You ARE 100% responsible for your reaction to your circumstances (your emotions!)” Nothing at any time MAKES you feel anything. How you feel is the result of the meaning that you attach to a situation, the logical conclusion to this is that there are no negative emotions. There are simply emotions and positive or negative is your interpretation of events.
Let us take a moment to try a short exercise
1st off I want you to imagine something specific that you would like to own
Now I want you to spend a few moments hoping that you will get it. - how does it feel, how are you standing, how are you breathing.
Now I want you to spend a few moments being absolutely certain that you are going get it – how does it feel, how are you standing, how are you breathing.
Now compare the two sets of feelings – is the way you felt when you were hoping very much different from how you felt when you were certain that it was going to happen?
I'll bet it is – now lets think about the process you went through – does the actual thing exist? No not here and now and yet I know that the feelings in you were as genuine as if you were experiencing this expectation for real.
This experiment has just proven that you don't need the actual thing to make you feel the emotion and that you can change your feelings and emotions at will. (from hope to certainty in an instant)
Have a fantastic day and remember -
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Sunday 18 April 2010
The Saturday Message
Hi
Only a quick post today to say that I have added a new video called "The Saturday Message" to the Facebook Group page. Follow this link to take a look.
Will post again very soon but in the meantime, build yourself a fantastic day and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Only a quick post today to say that I have added a new video called "The Saturday Message" to the Facebook Group page. Follow this link to take a look.
Will post again very soon but in the meantime, build yourself a fantastic day and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Wednesday 7 April 2010
I have not disappeared............
Hello and welcome to everyone. Contrary to popular belief I have not disappeared or been swallowed by a whale, crushed to a pulp by a giant chrysanthemum or any other such ghastly fate.
I have, in fact, been taking a much needed break away from it all in the middle of Bulgaria. But, as you will know I am not one to stand still and so whilst there I managed to collect a new client and am busy working on the new proposals that we intend to put into play to pull them from a no win situation through a some win situation and on to a full win situation.
The lack of business being generated by the people concerned has created a "can't see the wood for the trees" situation, and that my friends is "right up my street".
As most of you will already know (unless you are currently deaf, blindfolded or just not paying attention, Tom and I are working on a new project entitled Solution Based Thinking. and lo and behold an opportunity presented itself to test the theories.
So it is now very much - work in progress
The other exciting stuff that is going on is that I am learning about a new concept - Every Day Is Saturday.........I can choose to make every day great, just like a saturday. Yes, I have work to do, but treating it like something to be enjoyed makes the days go by so much smoother and yes, that way, Every Day Is Saturday.
If you want to check this out for yourself give me a call and I will put you onto the same track as I am on.
So take care of yourself, live life with passion
and
Don't Predict the Future - CREATE IT!
DAve
I have, in fact, been taking a much needed break away from it all in the middle of Bulgaria. But, as you will know I am not one to stand still and so whilst there I managed to collect a new client and am busy working on the new proposals that we intend to put into play to pull them from a no win situation through a some win situation and on to a full win situation.
The lack of business being generated by the people concerned has created a "can't see the wood for the trees" situation, and that my friends is "right up my street".
As most of you will already know (unless you are currently deaf, blindfolded or just not paying attention, Tom and I are working on a new project entitled Solution Based Thinking. and lo and behold an opportunity presented itself to test the theories.
So it is now very much - work in progress
The other exciting stuff that is going on is that I am learning about a new concept - Every Day Is Saturday.........I can choose to make every day great, just like a saturday. Yes, I have work to do, but treating it like something to be enjoyed makes the days go by so much smoother and yes, that way, Every Day Is Saturday.
If you want to check this out for yourself give me a call and I will put you onto the same track as I am on.
So take care of yourself, live life with passion
and
Don't Predict the Future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Friday 5 March 2010
Further Observations On The Subject Of Fear
Types of Fear
When we are frightened we really need to ask ourselves what are we actually frightened of, are we afraid of becoming sick because at the moment we have no choice in that situation and that fear is not constructive.
Maybe we are afraid of death because we are definitely going to die at some point and that fear is not a constructive fear, it could lead to inappropriate responses such as denial or a sense of futility or meaningless to our life.
We may have a fear of being trapped or placed into a commitment situation, that we can't back out but that is our own mind trapping us.
So in other words, we can't control whether things will go the way we want them to but we can learn to control our own minds, our responses and our own conduct. Therefore, we can be certain that exercising such control we can find a genuine liberation from all fear.
To paraphrase Buddha
All fears and all sufferings arise from the mind, it is impossible to control all external events, but if I simply control my mind what need is there to control other things?
All our fears are borne of an uncontrolled mind, and examples of this can be found in -
Attachments – the fear or anxiety arising from being separated from something or someone that we feel we need for security and happiness.
Anger / hatred – these fears bear a direct relation to the feeling we have of being threatened by others and this is why we get angry and we try to push the other person(s) away.
All the fear and suffering we experience during our life comes from not seeing the real nature of our world and our experience. Our belief that things exist “out there”, independent of our mind, is the source of all our fear. When we see directly that everything is projected like the objects in a dream, all our fears and problems will disappear.
Things falsely appear to exist and we are completely taken in by their appearance. When an unpleasant object such as an enemy appears to our mind, we take this appearance at face value as a real, externally existent enemy, and so we react with fear or hostility; and when an attractive object such as a beautiful man or woman appears to our mind we are equally taken in and respond with desirous attachment.
ooo000ooo
Take a look at your whole life for a moment and ask yourself how complete or how whole is my life. If you continue to create richness for yourself, nothing can ever take away your sense of completeness. Think on this and consider how little you would have to fear.
Ooo000ooo
One of the major obstacles that we experience as we look at ways to combat fear is holding onto past memories and situations. We really do need to let these things go and allow our new thinking to replace these outmoded and no longer useful situations. Again to quote from a teaching article-
A university professor came to inquire about Zen. The Zen master served tea. He poured the professor's cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's over-full! No more will go in!" "Like this cup," said the master, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"
In other words we should be prepared to let go of the old and outmoded things, our resistances, in order to make way for the new and potentially exciting things that are trying to become part of our lives. We should relax and see the whole world anew because saying no to these opportunities puts us firmly into the situation of being a victim.
ooo000ooo
Before I close this blog post I would like to make you aware of one of life's paradoxes – it relates to fear so is not “off topic”
The more enriched our lives become, the more fear and pain we are going to encounter......but now the difference is that we are able to see it for what it is safe in the knowledge that we can handle it.
I hope that you have enjoyed this post and that you will continue to look out for more posting over the coming weeks and months.
Have a FANTASTIC day
and remember
Don't Predict the Future - CREATE IT!
DAve
When we are frightened we really need to ask ourselves what are we actually frightened of, are we afraid of becoming sick because at the moment we have no choice in that situation and that fear is not constructive.
Maybe we are afraid of death because we are definitely going to die at some point and that fear is not a constructive fear, it could lead to inappropriate responses such as denial or a sense of futility or meaningless to our life.
We may have a fear of being trapped or placed into a commitment situation, that we can't back out but that is our own mind trapping us.
So in other words, we can't control whether things will go the way we want them to but we can learn to control our own minds, our responses and our own conduct. Therefore, we can be certain that exercising such control we can find a genuine liberation from all fear.
To paraphrase Buddha
All fears and all sufferings arise from the mind, it is impossible to control all external events, but if I simply control my mind what need is there to control other things?
All our fears are borne of an uncontrolled mind, and examples of this can be found in -
Attachments – the fear or anxiety arising from being separated from something or someone that we feel we need for security and happiness.
Anger / hatred – these fears bear a direct relation to the feeling we have of being threatened by others and this is why we get angry and we try to push the other person(s) away.
All the fear and suffering we experience during our life comes from not seeing the real nature of our world and our experience. Our belief that things exist “out there”, independent of our mind, is the source of all our fear. When we see directly that everything is projected like the objects in a dream, all our fears and problems will disappear.
Things falsely appear to exist and we are completely taken in by their appearance. When an unpleasant object such as an enemy appears to our mind, we take this appearance at face value as a real, externally existent enemy, and so we react with fear or hostility; and when an attractive object such as a beautiful man or woman appears to our mind we are equally taken in and respond with desirous attachment.
ooo000ooo
Take a look at your whole life for a moment and ask yourself how complete or how whole is my life. If you continue to create richness for yourself, nothing can ever take away your sense of completeness. Think on this and consider how little you would have to fear.
Ooo000ooo
One of the major obstacles that we experience as we look at ways to combat fear is holding onto past memories and situations. We really do need to let these things go and allow our new thinking to replace these outmoded and no longer useful situations. Again to quote from a teaching article-
A university professor came to inquire about Zen. The Zen master served tea. He poured the professor's cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's over-full! No more will go in!" "Like this cup," said the master, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"
In other words we should be prepared to let go of the old and outmoded things, our resistances, in order to make way for the new and potentially exciting things that are trying to become part of our lives. We should relax and see the whole world anew because saying no to these opportunities puts us firmly into the situation of being a victim.
ooo000ooo
Before I close this blog post I would like to make you aware of one of life's paradoxes – it relates to fear so is not “off topic”
The more enriched our lives become, the more fear and pain we are going to encounter......but now the difference is that we are able to see it for what it is safe in the knowledge that we can handle it.
I hope that you have enjoyed this post and that you will continue to look out for more posting over the coming weeks and months.
Have a FANTASTIC day
and remember
Don't Predict the Future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Thursday 25 February 2010
FEAR and being FEARFUL damages your health, wealth and happiness.
FEAR
Fear is an extremely powerful emotion, and whilst there are adrenalin junkies out there who love the sensations that fear creates, for most of us it gives a constant and gnawing pain in the pit of the stomach.
Some people have reported that they drink more or smoke more because of it.
There have been incidents where some people are right on the edge of success and then they become fearful and as a result of this fearful state they sabotage their own efforts.
It [fear] has killed more dreams and ruined more careers than all other causes combined.
In fact it has been reported that fear may be the worst enemy of the human species. and yet it has been with us since the beginning of our time on earth. In The Bible, The Book of Genesis speaks of fear and it appears throughout The Bible, The Torah and The Koran. This can be confirmed by reading the line from the Old Testament, delivered by Job, when he said, "That which I feared most has come upon me."
And now, in 2010 it would seem that the older we get, the more prone we are to allowing fear to control our lives. I can recall several instances where people in their 30s and 40s reported being in fearful states simply walking through the streets of a sleepy Devon town in the early evening. These people reported that their fearfulness was brought on because of the high numbers of marauding teenagers.
Elderly people living in sheltered accommodation are sitting fearfully behind locked and bolted doors because they have bought into the belief that society is intrinsically bad, and that there are always people “out to get them”, to “do them harm”, and to “rob them of everything they have”
But these people are not alone. Fear is gripping and biting at more people's lives than ever before and that is the fear of financial security. We are still in the remains of the worst financial crisis of our lifetime record numbers of cases are being processed by the Bankruptcy Courts. Personal debt is rising because of increased prices, lack of available funds (loans etc) and mounting credit card bills.
The system is in tatters and even today (25th February 2010) having announced £3.5bn losses, the banking group RBS said that they would still be paying out over a billion pounds to their staff by way of bonus payments because “we are fearful that if we don't make these payments we will lose some key members of staff, in fact, some have already left the bank”
BUT attitudes can be changed, fear can be defeated, you can learn how to manage and master it. The world famous trainer and motivator Zig Ziglar said “courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it”
Fears impact on us physically, mentally and emotionally. They enhance our negative thinking and impair our normal perception, rationality and comprehension. They cause us to limit our expectations and to avoid taking undue risks or face complications. Although our fears are intended to be part of our survival instinct, they become a problem when they begin to interfere with our normal functioning, we can see their negative impacts on our results and our relationships.
Over the course of our lives we become so habitually accustomed to our fears that we may not even notice their presence in our consciousness. As we learn to ignore our fears by pushing them down deep into our subconscious, we develop strange habits and self-limiting behavior under the illusion of leading normal lives, without feeling impaired or uncomfortable. In other words, we learn how to rationalize (which is another way of saying we learn how to tell ourselves "rational lies")!
Do you find yourself with any of these conditions caused by fear, worry, doubt and anxiety:
Do you show reluctance to make important decisions and take calculated risks?
Are you constantly worried about what other people think about you and worried that they'll think less of you if you take certain actions (fear of rejection)?
Do you suffer from low self-esteem and constantly underestimate yourself and your ability?
Do you always remain within your comfort zone, unwilling to venture out and experience new things or meet new people?
Are you carrying around a gnawing feeling of impending doom?
Do you exhibit irrational behavior (any kind of binge, ie., shopping, eating, drinking) followed by dark and gloomy guilt?
Would you prefer to stay in the same job or in the same unhappy relationship even if they are bankrupting you emotionally?
Do you avoid deep communications with others for fear of exposing your weaknesses?
Do you avoid socializing or building friendships to minimize the chances of getting hurt or being exploited?
Do you hide your feelings and thoughts from other people because you fear disapproval from them?
Would you let things happen rather than takecontrol of them for fear of ridicule or criticism?
Do you expericence constant procrastination and overall lack of initiative?
Do you undersell yourself due to a poor opinion and / or low expectation of yourself?
Do you experience physical symptoms like physical and mental tension, knot in the stomach, sweating, sleeplessness, indigestion or increased blood pressure, among others?
Fear is the cause of many of our mental and physical diseases, ranging from phobias to asthma, high blood pressure, strokes and nervous conditions. Fear-filled words have the power to destroy, tear down, discourage, depress, malign, and even call into being death and disease.
If it remains unchecked, fear (and all its cousins) will keep you in a state of discouragement, frustration and denial. In it's worst state it can destroy your business or career, your marriage, your health and your happiness.
Fear, doubt and worries are constant problems for many people even during the best of economic times. But now, with the biggest financial catastrophe since the Great Depression affecting many people, fear and worry have reached epidemic proportions.
Now, I would ask you whether you experience any of these limiting beliefs
Lack of time - this is NOT A TRUE STATEMENT because “time” is a man made concept “There is no time in infinity, time does not exist in eternity”
I work better under pressure – NOT TRUE because allowing yourself to be “under pressure” can encourage mistakes and errors, it would be better to say that “I work best when I give myself ample time”
If I say NO people won't like or respect me – NOT TRUE in fact exactly the opposite is correct. If you say NO people will respect you for admitting that you are not super human. Also, if you say NO to some things you are then able to say YES to the most important things. The word “NO” gives you freedom and is one of the most important words we ever learn.
Anything worth doing is worth doing perfectly – NOT TRUE it is a limiting belief, far better to say “Anything worth doing is worth failing at until I get it right”
Holding limiting beliefs is a classic expression of fearfulness and therefore guarantees that you are not living the fullest life that you can live. You have a duty to yourself to overcome your fearfulness and master your fear.
And so finally, I am going to set you a challenge, and that challenge is to find and eliminate at least one limiting belief every 24 hours for the next week, identify what you think or say that is the limiting belief and then as in the examples above change your internal speech to the exact opposite.
Write down your limiting belief, followed by the new positive self talk that you are going to give yourself and if you can let me have your feedback.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Fear is an extremely powerful emotion, and whilst there are adrenalin junkies out there who love the sensations that fear creates, for most of us it gives a constant and gnawing pain in the pit of the stomach.
Some people have reported that they drink more or smoke more because of it.
There have been incidents where some people are right on the edge of success and then they become fearful and as a result of this fearful state they sabotage their own efforts.
It [fear] has killed more dreams and ruined more careers than all other causes combined.
In fact it has been reported that fear may be the worst enemy of the human species. and yet it has been with us since the beginning of our time on earth. In The Bible, The Book of Genesis speaks of fear and it appears throughout The Bible, The Torah and The Koran. This can be confirmed by reading the line from the Old Testament, delivered by Job, when he said, "That which I feared most has come upon me."
And now, in 2010 it would seem that the older we get, the more prone we are to allowing fear to control our lives. I can recall several instances where people in their 30s and 40s reported being in fearful states simply walking through the streets of a sleepy Devon town in the early evening. These people reported that their fearfulness was brought on because of the high numbers of marauding teenagers.
Elderly people living in sheltered accommodation are sitting fearfully behind locked and bolted doors because they have bought into the belief that society is intrinsically bad, and that there are always people “out to get them”, to “do them harm”, and to “rob them of everything they have”
But these people are not alone. Fear is gripping and biting at more people's lives than ever before and that is the fear of financial security. We are still in the remains of the worst financial crisis of our lifetime record numbers of cases are being processed by the Bankruptcy Courts. Personal debt is rising because of increased prices, lack of available funds (loans etc) and mounting credit card bills.
The system is in tatters and even today (25th February 2010) having announced £3.5bn losses, the banking group RBS said that they would still be paying out over a billion pounds to their staff by way of bonus payments because “we are fearful that if we don't make these payments we will lose some key members of staff, in fact, some have already left the bank”
BUT attitudes can be changed, fear can be defeated, you can learn how to manage and master it. The world famous trainer and motivator Zig Ziglar said “courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it”
Fears impact on us physically, mentally and emotionally. They enhance our negative thinking and impair our normal perception, rationality and comprehension. They cause us to limit our expectations and to avoid taking undue risks or face complications. Although our fears are intended to be part of our survival instinct, they become a problem when they begin to interfere with our normal functioning, we can see their negative impacts on our results and our relationships.
Over the course of our lives we become so habitually accustomed to our fears that we may not even notice their presence in our consciousness. As we learn to ignore our fears by pushing them down deep into our subconscious, we develop strange habits and self-limiting behavior under the illusion of leading normal lives, without feeling impaired or uncomfortable. In other words, we learn how to rationalize (which is another way of saying we learn how to tell ourselves "rational lies")!
Do you find yourself with any of these conditions caused by fear, worry, doubt and anxiety:
Do you show reluctance to make important decisions and take calculated risks?
Are you constantly worried about what other people think about you and worried that they'll think less of you if you take certain actions (fear of rejection)?
Do you suffer from low self-esteem and constantly underestimate yourself and your ability?
Do you always remain within your comfort zone, unwilling to venture out and experience new things or meet new people?
Are you carrying around a gnawing feeling of impending doom?
Do you exhibit irrational behavior (any kind of binge, ie., shopping, eating, drinking) followed by dark and gloomy guilt?
Would you prefer to stay in the same job or in the same unhappy relationship even if they are bankrupting you emotionally?
Do you avoid deep communications with others for fear of exposing your weaknesses?
Do you avoid socializing or building friendships to minimize the chances of getting hurt or being exploited?
Do you hide your feelings and thoughts from other people because you fear disapproval from them?
Would you let things happen rather than takecontrol of them for fear of ridicule or criticism?
Do you expericence constant procrastination and overall lack of initiative?
Do you undersell yourself due to a poor opinion and / or low expectation of yourself?
Do you experience physical symptoms like physical and mental tension, knot in the stomach, sweating, sleeplessness, indigestion or increased blood pressure, among others?
Fear is the cause of many of our mental and physical diseases, ranging from phobias to asthma, high blood pressure, strokes and nervous conditions. Fear-filled words have the power to destroy, tear down, discourage, depress, malign, and even call into being death and disease.
If it remains unchecked, fear (and all its cousins) will keep you in a state of discouragement, frustration and denial. In it's worst state it can destroy your business or career, your marriage, your health and your happiness.
Fear, doubt and worries are constant problems for many people even during the best of economic times. But now, with the biggest financial catastrophe since the Great Depression affecting many people, fear and worry have reached epidemic proportions.
Now, I would ask you whether you experience any of these limiting beliefs
Lack of time - this is NOT A TRUE STATEMENT because “time” is a man made concept “There is no time in infinity, time does not exist in eternity”
I work better under pressure – NOT TRUE because allowing yourself to be “under pressure” can encourage mistakes and errors, it would be better to say that “I work best when I give myself ample time”
If I say NO people won't like or respect me – NOT TRUE in fact exactly the opposite is correct. If you say NO people will respect you for admitting that you are not super human. Also, if you say NO to some things you are then able to say YES to the most important things. The word “NO” gives you freedom and is one of the most important words we ever learn.
Anything worth doing is worth doing perfectly – NOT TRUE it is a limiting belief, far better to say “Anything worth doing is worth failing at until I get it right”
Holding limiting beliefs is a classic expression of fearfulness and therefore guarantees that you are not living the fullest life that you can live. You have a duty to yourself to overcome your fearfulness and master your fear.
And so finally, I am going to set you a challenge, and that challenge is to find and eliminate at least one limiting belief every 24 hours for the next week, identify what you think or say that is the limiting belief and then as in the examples above change your internal speech to the exact opposite.
Write down your limiting belief, followed by the new positive self talk that you are going to give yourself and if you can let me have your feedback.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Tuesday 23 February 2010
Self Discipline
Hi and I hope that you are having a ball creating a great life for yourself. During a conversation with Tom about the forthcoming Solution Based Thinking seminar tour that we are planning to start in Bournemouth (probably sometime during May) we were discussing the implications of Self Mastery.
As a result of this chat I decided that it would be a good topic to look at here and so I have prepared this piece on Self Discipline
What is self discipline?
It is the ability to control your behaviour, to motivate yourself to do the things you should be doing and not do things you shouldn't be doing. Willpower may be considered a part of it, but sometimes trying to "force" yourself to do something is counter productive and simply makes things worse. If we learn to associate negative feelings with an activity, it becomes more difficult to do, and we become less likely to do it.
There are many ways that are possible routes into self discipline, I have added a few here but I am sure that if you think carefully you will be able to find even more.
Make a Start
Suppose you are delaying doing your tax return. Do you feel stressed when you think about completing those forms? Then don't think about it! Once sufficient thought has been given to any project, more thought just creates more stress. The negative feelings that develop make it harder and harder to force yourself to do what needs to be done. You feel like you have no self discipline
Action is the cure for this. Start by putting the forms where you can work on them later. Later, gather all the materials and put them with the forms. The next day, do just one form, and then another.
Whatever the task is, you can find enough motivation for some small step. Train your mind to take that first step as soon as you think of it. The next steps, and so the whole project becomes easier once you start
Enjoy what you are doing.
If you have ever stopped up all night talking about something interesting, you know what power the mind has over the body. It is very easy to put off sleep when we are motivated by a passionate discussion. It doesn't take much willpower to keep doing something when you are enjoying it, and that gives us another key to self discipline.
When you enjoy what you are doing you are fired up and motivated. Willpower goes up and down with energy levels, so play energetic music, move around, laugh, and look for ways to enjoy whatever project you are working on. The more you associate good feelings with a task, the easier it is to discipline yourself to do it.
Reward yourself.
Cut a task up into a few steps, and then give yourself a reward every time you complete each step. This could be a tub of ice cream, watching your favourite tv programme, or simply relaxing for a few minutes. Reward yourself with a pat on the back too. When you recognize your successes, large and small, the possibilities become more real to you, and more likely to be repeated.
Become more aware of how you work.
Suppose that piece of cake calls to you, or that television takes your attention away from your more important work.
It can be hard to resist temptation! Stronger willpower is a nice theory, but there is a simpler solution: stop standing in front of the cake! Turn off the television!
This is an easy lesson to understand, but try to train yourself to apply it habitually. Don't keep beer in the house if you don't want to drink it. Don't go alone to single's bars if you want to maintain a faithful marriage. Stay away from people and things that have the potential to lead you into trouble!
Self discipline doesn't mean you have to become immune to temptation, but it does me that you must develop the willpower to say no, if you wish.
But whilst doing that, why not have the wisdom to avoid temptation? If you learn where your resistance is low, then you can avoid those situations with relative ease.
Doesn't this make more sense than fighting useless battles with yourself?
Fighting with yourself is no way to develop self discipline. It is far better to learn about yourself; how are you energized; what motivates you and what are your strengths and weaknesses?
Why not learn about yourself, and start using what you learn to make the behaviours you want to develop easier. That is smarter self discipline.
(This piece is adapted from a paper by Steve Gilman)
So all that remains is to say to you all thanks for reading this, keep you eyes open for what is happening via my various groups on Facebook and Twitter and take a look at the Because Someone Cares website for our Foundation information.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
As a result of this chat I decided that it would be a good topic to look at here and so I have prepared this piece on Self Discipline
What is self discipline?
It is the ability to control your behaviour, to motivate yourself to do the things you should be doing and not do things you shouldn't be doing. Willpower may be considered a part of it, but sometimes trying to "force" yourself to do something is counter productive and simply makes things worse. If we learn to associate negative feelings with an activity, it becomes more difficult to do, and we become less likely to do it.
There are many ways that are possible routes into self discipline, I have added a few here but I am sure that if you think carefully you will be able to find even more.
Make a Start
Suppose you are delaying doing your tax return. Do you feel stressed when you think about completing those forms? Then don't think about it! Once sufficient thought has been given to any project, more thought just creates more stress. The negative feelings that develop make it harder and harder to force yourself to do what needs to be done. You feel like you have no self discipline
Action is the cure for this. Start by putting the forms where you can work on them later. Later, gather all the materials and put them with the forms. The next day, do just one form, and then another.
Whatever the task is, you can find enough motivation for some small step. Train your mind to take that first step as soon as you think of it. The next steps, and so the whole project becomes easier once you start
Enjoy what you are doing.
If you have ever stopped up all night talking about something interesting, you know what power the mind has over the body. It is very easy to put off sleep when we are motivated by a passionate discussion. It doesn't take much willpower to keep doing something when you are enjoying it, and that gives us another key to self discipline.
When you enjoy what you are doing you are fired up and motivated. Willpower goes up and down with energy levels, so play energetic music, move around, laugh, and look for ways to enjoy whatever project you are working on. The more you associate good feelings with a task, the easier it is to discipline yourself to do it.
Reward yourself.
Cut a task up into a few steps, and then give yourself a reward every time you complete each step. This could be a tub of ice cream, watching your favourite tv programme, or simply relaxing for a few minutes. Reward yourself with a pat on the back too. When you recognize your successes, large and small, the possibilities become more real to you, and more likely to be repeated.
Become more aware of how you work.
Suppose that piece of cake calls to you, or that television takes your attention away from your more important work.
It can be hard to resist temptation! Stronger willpower is a nice theory, but there is a simpler solution: stop standing in front of the cake! Turn off the television!
This is an easy lesson to understand, but try to train yourself to apply it habitually. Don't keep beer in the house if you don't want to drink it. Don't go alone to single's bars if you want to maintain a faithful marriage. Stay away from people and things that have the potential to lead you into trouble!
Self discipline doesn't mean you have to become immune to temptation, but it does me that you must develop the willpower to say no, if you wish.
But whilst doing that, why not have the wisdom to avoid temptation? If you learn where your resistance is low, then you can avoid those situations with relative ease.
Doesn't this make more sense than fighting useless battles with yourself?
Fighting with yourself is no way to develop self discipline. It is far better to learn about yourself; how are you energized; what motivates you and what are your strengths and weaknesses?
Why not learn about yourself, and start using what you learn to make the behaviours you want to develop easier. That is smarter self discipline.
(This piece is adapted from a paper by Steve Gilman)
So all that remains is to say to you all thanks for reading this, keep you eyes open for what is happening via my various groups on Facebook and Twitter and take a look at the Because Someone Cares website for our Foundation information.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Tuesday 26 January 2010
Positive Reinforcement
The new video "Positive Reinforcement" is now available on Facebook at the Altered Image - Coaching To The Stars group page.
I hope that you find it useful.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
I hope that you find it useful.
Take care and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Wednesday 20 January 2010
The Glass Ceiling Effect
Hello and thank you for taking the time to look at this latest post on the Altered Image Blog.
Predominantly the term "Glass Ceiling" is often used to describe a situation that applies to wormen in the workplace. It is argued that they progress through thir career path until they reach a specific point and then suddenly they reach a stop and despite what they do they get no further and seem to have reached the point where their career development ceases.
Lorraine Heggessey, 51, became the first woman controller of BBC1 in 2000. She is now the chief executive of talkbackTHAMES, one of the country's largest TV production companies. Lorraine lives in West London with her husband and two teenage daughters. She says:
"Yes - the glass ceiling does exist. But my advice is this: it's a transparent construct, so look through it and act as though it's not there".
Ruth Badger, 30, was the runner-up on the second series of The Apprentice. She now helps turn failing companies into successes on Sky One's Badger Or Bust, and has her own consultancy firm based in Didsbury, Manchester, where she lives. She says
"No one could put a ceiling above me that I wouldn't smash through. Successful women don't acknowledge barriers, whether you believe they exist for other women".
I believe that it is easy to see the Glass Ceiling principle at work in our own lives, but I feel that however often we put it there, it is a creation of our own making.
How many times have you decided that you want something, you can see it, you can almost touch it, but no matter how hard you seem to try you cannot quite reach out and grab it?
Finally after several failed attempts you give up.... the Glass Ceiling has triumphed and you tell yourself that it is not going to happen, that you are destined not to have what it is you seek.
I am writing this blog today because it is my opinion, as a Performance Coach, that this is a complete load of rubbish. If you want something enough it will not matter how many false starts you make or how many times you hit the Glass Ceiling, you will go back to the begining and look at a different way to approach the situation.....(a cautionary note here - if you go back to the begining do not repeat past action otherwise, gues what? You WILL hit the ceiling again!)
To return to a point that I made in a previous blog Change happens inevitably but to really alter things requires that you make PROGRESS. So in the case of a Glass Ceiling situation progress comes from recognising that something did not get you the result you wanted and moving on to the next attempt.
Well I hope that you have enjoyed reading this post and would love you to come onto Facebook and join the group Altered Image - Coaching To The Stars and also take a look at my website by CLICKING HERE
Have a fantastic day and I look forward to speaking to you again soon and remember
Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Predominantly the term "Glass Ceiling" is often used to describe a situation that applies to wormen in the workplace. It is argued that they progress through thir career path until they reach a specific point and then suddenly they reach a stop and despite what they do they get no further and seem to have reached the point where their career development ceases.
Lorraine Heggessey, 51, became the first woman controller of BBC1 in 2000. She is now the chief executive of talkbackTHAMES, one of the country's largest TV production companies. Lorraine lives in West London with her husband and two teenage daughters. She says:
"Yes - the glass ceiling does exist. But my advice is this: it's a transparent construct, so look through it and act as though it's not there".
Ruth Badger, 30, was the runner-up on the second series of The Apprentice. She now helps turn failing companies into successes on Sky One's Badger Or Bust, and has her own consultancy firm based in Didsbury, Manchester, where she lives. She says
"No one could put a ceiling above me that I wouldn't smash through. Successful women don't acknowledge barriers, whether you believe they exist for other women".
I believe that it is easy to see the Glass Ceiling principle at work in our own lives, but I feel that however often we put it there, it is a creation of our own making.
How many times have you decided that you want something, you can see it, you can almost touch it, but no matter how hard you seem to try you cannot quite reach out and grab it?
Finally after several failed attempts you give up.... the Glass Ceiling has triumphed and you tell yourself that it is not going to happen, that you are destined not to have what it is you seek.
I am writing this blog today because it is my opinion, as a Performance Coach, that this is a complete load of rubbish. If you want something enough it will not matter how many false starts you make or how many times you hit the Glass Ceiling, you will go back to the begining and look at a different way to approach the situation.....(a cautionary note here - if you go back to the begining do not repeat past action otherwise, gues what? You WILL hit the ceiling again!)
To return to a point that I made in a previous blog Change happens inevitably but to really alter things requires that you make PROGRESS. So in the case of a Glass Ceiling situation progress comes from recognising that something did not get you the result you wanted and moving on to the next attempt.
Well I hope that you have enjoyed reading this post and would love you to come onto Facebook and join the group Altered Image - Coaching To The Stars and also take a look at my website by CLICKING HERE
Have a fantastic day and I look forward to speaking to you again soon and remember
Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!
DAve
Monday 18 January 2010
2010 and all that
Hi everybody.
So let me get the Happy New Year wishes out of the way. Now that this year is some 18 days old we have passed the point where New Year's Resolutions traditionally fall apart (15 days in is the norm) So What About Your New Year's Resolution? Is it still with you or have you just gone the way of the 95% of people who have just "given up"?
If you are still with the remaining 5% congratulations!
So what does making a New Year's resolution actually meam? Well the word "resolution" is defined as "a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit" but it is my belief that this commitment falls over because it is not a total commitment with every cell of your body.
Put another way this means "Don't make change, make PROGRESS!"
It is a known fact that getting "things" really won't make you happy, yes you will get a short term excitement from having something new, a new car, a new dress, a new house but it won't truly make you HAPPY.
To achieve true happiness you have to progress - Progress = Happiness.
You don't have to work at change. Change is going to happen irrespective of what you do, it is a continual process. In the past I too have been guilty of using the language of "working at change" but now I have come to realise that I cannot alter the weather, I cannot alter the economy, I cannot stop my body getting older, these are all changes that will take place whatever I do, but what I can affect is my progress through this life
Change is automatic, but progress is not
Having spoken to a number of people over the years it has become apparent that people's resolutions at New Year are simply "wish lists". They pay lip service to wanting to change but, fundamentally, they don't have the desire to progress so ultimately the wishes will slip into the abyss, along with all the other wish lists from all around the globe.
However, "if you want to take the island you have to burn the boats"
Three main points to keep in mind when looking to make progress happen are:-
1 Have a compelling vision - see what you truly want to achieve, create a vision of it that will truly excite you. What will it be like, what will you look like when you achieve the state.
2 Create strong enough reasons to do whatever is necessary to make this progress happen
3 You have to review it and feel it every day - to make it real
In order to make lasting changes you have to raise your standards
It is worth remembering here that everybody in life gets their musts - they do not get their shoulds. When you decide that something is an ABSOLUTE MUST you will find the way to achieve it. When something becomes a must IT DOES NOT TAKE WILLPOWER!
An extremely famous coach said that every single one of us acts consistently with who we believe we are. How do you define yourself? Do you often say "I'm not that kind of person" or "I don't do that because I'm not that kind of girl"
If you do make those sort of statments as yourself this question - When did I make the decision that that was who I was?
These statements are our glass ceilings, created by decisions that we made years ago for whatever reasons. Here is a useful anecdote that will describe what I mean by that statement -
Imagine if you will that you are at a circus, the parade has just taken place and the elephant trainer takes a length of thin rope, loops it around the elephants neck and ties it to a stake in the ground. Now the elephant given its great strength could very easily uproot the stake and escape but it does not, it stays there quite quietly. It was conditioned as a baby that try as it may it could not break free of the rope that held it to the stake in the ground so now it no longer tries. It believes that the rope will hold it there and so it is futile to try to escape.
It is my belief that joy comes from spontaneous action and that this is when we show who we really are. It is when we let our guard down that the real person surfaces.
BUT for the most part, we live who we believe we are and these beliefs are our standards.
Our wants do not get met consistently but our standards always do, so to achieve higher results we must change, review and realign our standards. The same thing applies to money, if we desire more money, we must change our standards so that we look at money from a totally different position than we are currently in and with a different set of standards.
Changing your life requires you to change your internal game. You cannot change outside influences but you can change your internal standards and those changes are created by adopting different rituals. Rituals make standards real.
If you see someone who has a perfect body compared to you, then I will bet anything you like that they have a different set of rituals in their life to the ones that you currently have.
If you see someone who has a lifestyle that you consider to be a success lifestyle it is a pound to a piece of coal that they use different rituals to those that you do.
So my friends I would now like to leave you with one final question
"Do you intend to remain a 95% person or are you going to raise your standards and become one of the elite 5%?
take care and have a great day
and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
So let me get the Happy New Year wishes out of the way. Now that this year is some 18 days old we have passed the point where New Year's Resolutions traditionally fall apart (15 days in is the norm) So What About Your New Year's Resolution? Is it still with you or have you just gone the way of the 95% of people who have just "given up"?
If you are still with the remaining 5% congratulations!
So what does making a New Year's resolution actually meam? Well the word "resolution" is defined as "a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit" but it is my belief that this commitment falls over because it is not a total commitment with every cell of your body.
Put another way this means "Don't make change, make PROGRESS!"
It is a known fact that getting "things" really won't make you happy, yes you will get a short term excitement from having something new, a new car, a new dress, a new house but it won't truly make you HAPPY.
To achieve true happiness you have to progress - Progress = Happiness.
You don't have to work at change. Change is going to happen irrespective of what you do, it is a continual process. In the past I too have been guilty of using the language of "working at change" but now I have come to realise that I cannot alter the weather, I cannot alter the economy, I cannot stop my body getting older, these are all changes that will take place whatever I do, but what I can affect is my progress through this life
Change is automatic, but progress is not
Having spoken to a number of people over the years it has become apparent that people's resolutions at New Year are simply "wish lists". They pay lip service to wanting to change but, fundamentally, they don't have the desire to progress so ultimately the wishes will slip into the abyss, along with all the other wish lists from all around the globe.
However, "if you want to take the island you have to burn the boats"
Three main points to keep in mind when looking to make progress happen are:-
1 Have a compelling vision - see what you truly want to achieve, create a vision of it that will truly excite you. What will it be like, what will you look like when you achieve the state.
2 Create strong enough reasons to do whatever is necessary to make this progress happen
3 You have to review it and feel it every day - to make it real
In order to make lasting changes you have to raise your standards
It is worth remembering here that everybody in life gets their musts - they do not get their shoulds. When you decide that something is an ABSOLUTE MUST you will find the way to achieve it. When something becomes a must IT DOES NOT TAKE WILLPOWER!
An extremely famous coach said that every single one of us acts consistently with who we believe we are. How do you define yourself? Do you often say "I'm not that kind of person" or "I don't do that because I'm not that kind of girl"
If you do make those sort of statments as yourself this question - When did I make the decision that that was who I was?
These statements are our glass ceilings, created by decisions that we made years ago for whatever reasons. Here is a useful anecdote that will describe what I mean by that statement -
Imagine if you will that you are at a circus, the parade has just taken place and the elephant trainer takes a length of thin rope, loops it around the elephants neck and ties it to a stake in the ground. Now the elephant given its great strength could very easily uproot the stake and escape but it does not, it stays there quite quietly. It was conditioned as a baby that try as it may it could not break free of the rope that held it to the stake in the ground so now it no longer tries. It believes that the rope will hold it there and so it is futile to try to escape.
It is my belief that joy comes from spontaneous action and that this is when we show who we really are. It is when we let our guard down that the real person surfaces.
BUT for the most part, we live who we believe we are and these beliefs are our standards.
Our wants do not get met consistently but our standards always do, so to achieve higher results we must change, review and realign our standards. The same thing applies to money, if we desire more money, we must change our standards so that we look at money from a totally different position than we are currently in and with a different set of standards.
Changing your life requires you to change your internal game. You cannot change outside influences but you can change your internal standards and those changes are created by adopting different rituals. Rituals make standards real.
If you see someone who has a perfect body compared to you, then I will bet anything you like that they have a different set of rituals in their life to the ones that you currently have.
If you see someone who has a lifestyle that you consider to be a success lifestyle it is a pound to a piece of coal that they use different rituals to those that you do.
So my friends I would now like to leave you with one final question
"Do you intend to remain a 95% person or are you going to raise your standards and become one of the elite 5%?
take care and have a great day
and remember
Don't predict the future - CREATE IT!
DAve
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